March 21, 2008

  • Holidays that don't make sense.
    And other nonsensical nonsense.

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    When my
    friend from the land down under became outraged (partially) when I had
    told her I was working this Good Friday for Easter, I began thinking to
    myself "why don't we get this holiday off?" We celebrate Thanksgiving,
    Martin Luther King day, and Columbus Day, yet we don't celebrate the
    rebirth of God's son when every single sports broadcast in the US
    involves the word "God" or "Lord" in each program?

    Ridiculous.

    I
    didn't think celebrating Black people and turkey was far more universal
    than "The Man Himself." Despite being agnostic, I demand my 4-day
    weekend like Australians enjoy.


    Other Holidays that don't make sense:

    • St. Patty's Day - An excuse to get drunk. Sounds like New Years Eve.
    • President's Day - Glorification of crooked politics. Holla!
    • Valentines Day - You know my standpoint on this.
    • Labor Day - How misleading. I get the image of 4,000,000 women popping out newborns in unison on this particular day. Whatever.
    • Boxing Day - Silly Canadians.

    Days that SHOULD be considered a holiday in the US:

    • My birthday - Fawk yeah!
    • Chinese New Year - Over 1 billion unserved.
    • Opening
      Day for each major sporting event (baseball, basketball, football, foxy
      boxing) - And yes, hockey isn't a sport if you fall asleep watching it.
      It's just glorified figure skating with golf equipment.

    Some bad oranges.

    During your downtime, you
    probably surf the net, make a pot of coffee for yourself, or rub your boss's toes. Here in my
    department, we take bets on when an orange will turn rotten.

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    Introducing,
    Peter Pumpkin; my citrus snack that I didn't consume 2 weeks ago. And
    my two army men protecting it from being tainted by unwanted fingers.

    Official
    expiration will be based on group vote. If one member truly believes it
    isn't rotten, he/she will be required to consume said orange. Don't
    think I'm serious? I made an official chart.

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    What can I say? I'm an optimist.
    Two down, one more to go.

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    Who says work isn't boring?

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