June 23, 2010

  • Thoughts on the US World Cup.
    A play by play.


    http://x60.xanga.com/8c6e132417434268976272/w214549849.jpg
    BYAWWWW!

    1st minute: I'm in the office now. Outlook says I've a meeting? What's a meeting? Screw that.

    17th minute: The goal post is Algeria's best friend right now.

    26th minute: Why is the Annoying Jewish Coworker (AJC) foraging through the fridge? Is it that difficult to find a lunch with your name on it?

    31st minute: I toot my vuvuzela every time the FIFA officials screw the US team. My mouth is dry.

    Halftime I wonder if anybody noticed me missing at my desk. Nah, my blow-up doll should suffice.

    49th minute: How much do opposing teams pay the officials to screw/rob the US out of goals?

    57th minute: All this acting and flopping must've come from the Vlade Divac school of performing arts.

    63rd minute: If North Korea played the way the US is shooting the ball, Kim Jong-Il would've sent them to a detention camp by now.

    69th minute: Giggity!

    77th minute: There's a bunch of coworkers crowding around me. The room feels pretty intense and full of buzz. Or maybe it's just me being gassy.

    83rd minute: Those gloves the goalkeepers wear make them look ridiculous. Reminds me of Mickey Mouse.


    http://x0c.xanga.com/06ef842ad0634268976273/w214549850.jpg
    http://xc3.xanga.com/59ee1232d0634268976274/w214549851.jpg

    89th minute: Can anyone on the US team hit a ball into the goal four feet away from them?

    91st minute: Oh god...we're doomed!

    92nd minute: Wow. Just wow. I think I'll name my firstborn "Landon."

    93rd minute: I stood in the break room among 20 or so coworkers, and when the Americans scored, you could hear the roar across the office. I’ve never heard anything quite like that here, to be honest. I’m sure that’s what it was like everywhere across the US and wherever Americans were watching this game.

    94th minute: I assume all Donovan jerseys are sold out right now.

    Conclusion: Superman wears Landon Donovan pajamas

    UPDATE:

    Dear Canada, It wasn't an earthquake. It was Americans jumping up & down after Landon Donovan scored at World Cup.

    What were your thoughts on the game? How far can the U.S. go?

    Not recommending this means you're a communist. Why do you hate America? AMERICA! F* YEAH!

    EDIT 3:32PM

    I recently received a message from an obvious Stalin descendent: "All of a sudden all these Americans are major diehard soccer fans? O-kayyy. Please, people-contain yourselves!"

    To that I respond: Listen, Hitler. Stop raining on people's parades. You do not need to be a diehard soccer fan to enjoy the celebrations. This shouldn't be an argument of bandwagoning. It's about Americans banding together to enjoy this moment. An excuse to get drunk and grab a few boobs. The bandwagon is moving fast for American soccer now, and why not? What’s not to love about a team that never quits, that shakes off adversity, that forces break rooms and chat sessions to overflow across the States. So leave us, while you sit in your parent's basement, trolling forums about why PS3 is far superior than Xbox 360 and Wii.

Comments (1374)

Comments are closed.

Post a Comment