| | If Your Asian Mother Had a Xanga...
I think it would read a little something like this:
Fig. 1-a. The traditional "Asian Mom Face of Disappointment".
This is usually followed by an "aiyah" or similar sigh of disapproval.
Deal Dialy,
I
wake up 5:30am to make breakfast this morning. Leftover rice and
Flosted Frake mix with other cereal. I mix because I rike to conserve
pantry space. I don't care if Almond Cereal and Fruit Pebble don't mix
with Flosted Frake, it make more room to place stuff I buy for 99cent
at the supermarket--like trail mix and graham crackers still untouched
from last year. VELY CHEAP! Good buy.
And why the kids no awake
when I wake? They should be study for two hours before school! Aiyah! I
swear, if I see another B+ from those stupid kids of mine, it's a
bamboo stick across their face. I mean, Jesus H. Confucious! Peggy Wang
kid make Honor Roll again. I WANT TO DESTROY HER FAMIRY AND KIDS! I
WILL TASE THEM! Okay, okay. I stop. Not nice. Buddha watching.
After
son finish cereal, and bring bowl to sink, I see some frake left. I
say, "Stop! What you doing? I pay good money for that cereal!" Don't
kid know if they don't finish their rice or cereal their wife will have
many pimple? "Your father eat all his rice. That's why I have no
pimple!"
Anyway, after I grab the kids and drop them off to
school, I come back home to do the raundry, crean the basement, scrub
floor, crean the carpet (stupid White electric meter man didn't take
off dirty shoe when he come in!), and watch Chinese soap opera I rent
from ribrary. I also get funny telemarket call. She say she can save me
money on car insurance. I say she stupid. I ride bike! Stupid lady.
Today,
I also watch Beijing Olympic. Why China so gooooood? I don't care for
sport. I don't watch sport. I just watch Chinese people win gold in
China and make silly White American cry because they get blonze metal.
And that Mr. Phelp so rucky. He must use steroid like that Bally Bond.
Later,
I go pick up kids. I ask them how day was, they answer with complaints.
I stop car and turn off engine. I tell them the "We come to America for
better life for you. Stop complain so much!" story for 100th time. I
know they like my story arot. Why kids this days so spoil?
Uh
oh, I leave this computer (electric abacus) on for too long! Time to
turn off. Erectric bill too much so I end this day now. Tomollow, I
write about why I like eat fish eyeball, cow intestine, monkey brain,
and McDonald food.
Sincerery,
Cookie Kwan
(based on true stories)
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| | Posted 8/18/2008 7:05 PM - 4346 Views - 308 eProps - 157 comments
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