| | Celebrity Death Toll: The Game.
I'm going to hell for this.
Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, and now Billy Mays. The month of June for 2009 will surely go down as one of the most saddening times of this year. Fortunately, I'm here to resuscitate what would be a melancholy month of unnecessary emotions and wrist-cutting.
Today, I present to you:
WHICH CELEBRITY DEATH IS NEXT?
That's right! Which celebrity death won't surprise you? A death to one of these celebrities tomorrow should not come as a shock. So who could it be?
Britney Spears
 Why she's next: Excessive stress, open legs, a leeching ex-husband and fluctuating weight put a toll on this pop star princess. Death Probability: 8/10 Whitney Houston Why she's next: Drug abuse, alcohol consumption, and a teetering music career requires this diva to have a body guard on her health. Death Probability: 6/10 Barack Obama Why he's next: Huge target for assassination attempts. He's also from Chicago. Death Probability: 5/10 John Madden Why he's next: Excessive weight, probably has more traffic in his arteries than NYC rush hour, and his sudden outbursts of "Tough Actin' Tinactin'" are worrying his doctors. Death Probability: 7/10 Dick Clark  Why he's next: He won't be. He's not human; many reporting suggest he's a cyborg. Death Probability: 1/10 Johnny Depp Why he's next: Drug user, fights pirates, and is suspiciously taking on many eccentric roles that deal with little children. I'd rub my chin and hold onto my kids if I were you. Death Probability: 5/10 Amy Winehouse Why she's next: No comment Death Probability: 9/10 Dolly Parton Why she's next: Plastic can leak. So can implants (also see: Pamela Anderson). Death Probability: 6/10 Charles Barkley Why he's next: Alcoholic, drives while intoxicated, overweight, and has been the butt (no pun intended) of many jokes. Death Probability: 4/10
So, who dies? Who do you think should be on this list?
*This is in no way an article to condone violence against the listed participants above. Physically attack responsibly.
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| | Posted 6/28/2009 9:59 PM - 689 Views - 148 eProps - 76 comments
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