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Interests: The internet, movie-making, digital photography, graphic design, getting the last word, masticating, music, the arts, and various sports involving balls that bounce.
Expertise: Dry wit & black humor
Occupation: Full-time slacker
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
|Some favorite entries here.
|Operation: Make ASSCAT members look good.|
Big success? You decide.
Earlier today, I surprised the members of team ASSCAT with acclamation and praise-filled comments on their Facebook walls. To the unbeknownst, these men would look like noble and model citizens, sure to magnetize women and their reproductive parts at lightning speed. But in reality, my trollface was sealed on tight. Take a look below to see what I left on their Facebook.
It's a job, but somebody's gotta do it.
|Video games, Girls, and Guys.|
Since the topic of relationships and friends is trending.
This is a clear example of "cause and effect."
Ladies, dust off your Rabbit Vibrators, because Modern Warfare 3 was released today for all major video game platforms. It's a yearly ritual for men to make their mecca to the nearest video game store, sometimes waiting in line for hours to be the first to purchase these games around the holiday season.
Now before you ladies start revolting, complaining about how men never give you girls enough attention--or we give more attention to video games--video games have been there for us throughout our childhood. These games were our electronic babysitters during when our parents were at work. With respect to teachers, there was so much we learned outside the classroom. For years, most of us learned that eating mushrooms help us grow, Tetris blocks made us better organizers, and Goldeneye for Nintendo 64 improved our hand-eye coordination. We even made efforts to work weekend jobs just to save up enough money and purchase that video game we wanted. These are things you never could learn in a classroom environment.
A minor side-effect of never leaving the house due to excessive video gaming.
All the ladies out there who demand we put down our controllers, it just isn't that simple. This is like asking a Twilight fan to admit Edward Cullen isn't gay (here comes the hate mail). We don't ask you to stop wearing makeup or purchase handbags at exorbitant prices, so let us have our fun. 80+ hours of gameplay vs 6-7hours of handbag use a year. We make sound investments. So, to all ladies complaining about guys and video games: more video games, less Chanel bags.
Who wins this war?
Unless you see him only once a month due to video games (then you should give me a call), there's no need to be angry at your man. Would you prefer he be out at a bar or club, drunkenly hitting on a girl, or would you rather see him at home playing video games?
|How Phone Contacts Ruin Friendships.|
It started out as a few playful status updates on Facebook with your favorite hipster @Timmmmmmy.
|Marrying Kim Kardashian.|
If you're Black, chances are high that you've seen this pose in person.
Who here saw this coming, raise your hand? Damn! I was almost blown off my seat by all your hands raising up at the same time so quickly. You see, marriage with our ol' friend Kim, that's like sitting in the dentist seat. You know it'll end sometime--and probably cost you both physically and in the wallet--but it's not a matter of how it'll end, but when. And with Kim's latest divorce from Kris Humphries, there's no surprise it was another short-lived marriage born in Hollywood. The only thing that lasts long in Hollywood is Pamela Anderson's breasts. Those things last forever.
Kim Kardashian's marriage to Kris Humphries lasted just 72 days, and the brevity of their union has become the butt of a joke on Twitter and many other social networks. Here are things that lasted longer than Kim's marriage!
Combined IQs of 24.
- The bootleg iPhone I bought in Chinatown.
- The battery life of a brand new iPhone 4S.
- The Minute Rice I cooked just before writing this post.
- The time it took to write this post.
- Taylor Swift’s speech before Kanye West took the microphone.
- An episode of 60 Minutes.
- Saying "ASSCAT" three times fast.
- The amount of time before Angelina Jolie adopts another child.
- Kim and Paris Hilton's singing career. Combined.
- The spin cycle on my washing machine.
- My time in the bathroom after eating Indian food.
- The line at Blockbuster.
- The time it takes @thetheologianscafe to think of a question to post.
- The 0-60 time of a Ferrari.
- A season of That 80s show.