read my profile
sign my guestbook
Interests: The internet, movie-making, digital photography, graphic design, getting the last word, masticating, music, the arts, and various sports involving balls that bounce.
Expertise: Dry wit & black humor
Occupation: Full-time slacker
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
|Some favorite entries here.
|Funny Olympian Names.|
It's the Olympics. And what better way to celebrate it than making fun of these Olympians?
Degrading Sports Photos of the Day.
|10 Xanga Confessions.|
Cause y'all be asking me to do it. Now quick, someone tell me to leap off a bridge, too!
- Suck my bic.
- Kiss my arse.
- You're okay.
- You're an alcoholic.
- I'd love for you to continue what you're doing and never give up. That McDonalds custodial position isn't far from you.
- I'd hit it.
- I'd hit it...with a crowbar.
- I'd let you pole vault me one day, ifyaknowwhatImean.
- We're so bromantical, it hurts.
- You're the epitome of trailer trash.
If you accurately guess which one you are, I'll PM you and let you know.
Fitting more in a single day than an obese person squeezes into their jeans.
To celebrate this year's summer Olympics, our office introduced the first Office Summer Olympics. Varying events spread across two weeks, it marked the first day's events, which included archery. I represented team USA. It was only fitting that my t-shirt was made in China.
I spy a bunch of drunks.
I can't believe Team Tanzania is leading the scoreboard. And yes, that's a viking helm in the background for team Norway. I couldn't stop yelling "Katniss!" every time he took a shot to throw him off. It backfired and he hit 4 bullseyes. Event: Basketball. As team USA, let's just say our performance was not representative of the real Team USA.
Geoff @whotakethmycoke's birthday.First stop, Hide-chan. Free pork buns with every beer. $2 large drafts, too? Aww yeahhh!
Fifteen minutes into having a table, we already make our way on their Blacklist.@mkazama
shows up just in time...to play catch up.
Ricky looks on as I bite into delicious pork belly. It was more belly than meaty.
BUT YOU CAN'T RESIST ME FEEDING YOU WHEN I'M DRUNK!
We had a chugging contest. The loser would have to not only eat pork bell fat, but this concoction of soy sauce, sesame seeds, and pork broth.
Mixing it in. I made a preemptive face just in case I lost and passed out due to ingesting this bowl of fail.
Guess who lost?@behindthedimples
goes in for a closer look.
"This isn't so ba--..."
"...oh God, what have I done?"
Washing that all down with some real food. Fried chicken and pork dumprings!
As you couldn't tell, the alcohol has been setting in for a while.
"Normal faces, people. MORE NORMAL!"
She is not normal!
Since this wasn't my camera, and was trusted by @mkazama
to take pictures in her absence, I made sure to leave some surprises.
I spy a hipster!
I SEE YOU!
Receiving a helping hand (pun intended) by @behindthedimples
Why yes, I will!
A wild @scrooge0
Sleeping in my imaginary bed, next to @infinitiny
Never mess with a drunk girl's food. Otherwise you get a free tattoo out of it.
Does size matter? No, I'm not talking about a man's junk (mostly). I'm referring to height. It's something that most in the dating scene pay attention to after the face, but place little importance on it.
You must be this tall to ride.
I'm 5'9, which is average for American men, and Godzilla for Asians. So I find it odd seeing an extremely tall woman with a shorter man. It's like Megan Fox's thumb, it just looks completely out of place..like a sore thumb (hiyoo!). Sure, it seems a little silly when you think about it. How can something as seemingly trivial as a few inches of height (or lack thereof) matter so much?
But should it really matter?
I recently viewed a PBS show (there's only so much Summer Olympics I can watch) called, "Secret of the Sexes" researching women's attraction to men found a direct correlation to a man's height and the number of women attracted to that man. There are a number of woman that prefer taller men. Every person is unique, and has different preferences. I am wondering, what is the ideal height difference between a man and woman? But to some girls I've spoken to, it says much about the guy, and for that case the woman.
Which is the "odd" couple?
Personally, I couldn't date anyone more than 4 inches taller than me. I'd need a stepping stool or would have to saw off her legs just to kiss her. Or imagine her with heels! She'd dunk over me with ease. No thanks.
Does height matter to you when dating?
So Apparently, We’ve Been Using Ketchup Cups All Wrong.
Apparently, we — a collective of food-eating-ketchup-using hooligans — have been consuming ketchup all wrong.
If you’ve ever poured ketchup into those tiny paper cup containers and brought them back to your table for fry dunking and burger smearing, you might be a victim of ketchup ignorance as well.
Did you know that these ketchup containers are built to fan out, and are made to allow for more dunk square-footage?
As it stands, your fries probably fit pretty snugly, but imagine wanting to dip your burger into that tiny cup — not happening.
The conversation came up after a long day at the beach. I was weathered, the sun had beat down on my face, I was nothing more than a walking zombie and my barbaric eating habits must have shown. There we were, a group of my friends sitting on a picnic table outside of a local burger shack, and I was trying to dunk my burger into a cup of ketchup that looked like this:
My friend Matt, noticing my struggle of trying to fit a humongous peg into a seemingly unwilling pinhole of ketchup, nonchalantly reached for my ketchup container, tugged the upper crust out, and showed me that I had been using these ketchup containers wrong my entire life.
Now my dunking apparatus looked like this:
Amazing. I will never look at people using ketchup in the pre-fanned containers the same again. Hell, I can barely look at myself in the mirror for doing it incorrectly my entire life.
Thanks mom and dad, for teaching me absolutely nothing about proper ketchup eating. At least now I know.
What other tricks do you wish more people knew?
Degrading Sports Photo of the Day
TSUNAMI WARNING IN THE TOILET!