April 25, 2004

  • Kill Steal


    There are times when the unknowing eye passes something that is of great importance. Take for example, school. You see the notes being written on the board, you see your fellow peers frantically writing what the professor is babbling about, but you don't do anything about it. You just sit there and gaze blankly into space, fantasizing about Legolas ::shudders:: or in a guys case, something like this.


    So what's my point? It's come to my attention after numerous hours of toiling with an unresponsive computer that two of America's most popular characters are actualyl more identical than we thought. This theory proves that not only are we in a world of plagiarism, but unoriginality. Not even the greats like the one I'm about to bring up, Quentin Tarantino, can get out of this one. So, without further adieu, I present to you the case of:


    April O' Neil vs. Kill Bill


    You kids certainly won't find this in your Social Studies textbooks.


    Plaintiff: April O' Neil - She feels that Black Mamba has violated the copyright infringement patenting laws of her classic "Yellow Jumpsuit."


    Suing for: $3000 and a free ticket to see Kill Bill: Volume 2

    Defendant: Black Mamba from Kill Bill - States that April is just bringing up this case because of her dismal movie performance and downfall of the TMNT (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) craze.


    The following case will be presented from the point of view April's lawyer. The lawyer selected was Shredder.



    "If the suit don't fit, she must acquit!"


    Exhibit #1



    Here, we have a photograph of a figurine, dated August 1992. This shows that April has donned this outfit originally.


    Exhibit #2



    But here in Kill Bill: Volume II, Black Mamba is wearing an almost identical outfit. We can clearly see the resemblance of her sword-touting friends in the background, almost like Leonardo from TMNT (see fig. 1a).



    Figure 1a


    Exhibit #3


     


    Next, we have April on the front cover of a toy box. She is clearly holding what looks to be a microphone-looking object, most likely used for violent intentions. What's this? We see a box for a camcorder too? Maybe a bomb of some sort for detonating was installed within!


    Exhibit #4



    And here we have ol' Black Mamba, trying to inflict pain on other unsuspecting villains. Reminds you of someone here, doesn't it? ::cough April cough::


    The final verdict? We go to Judge Krang for this one.



    "Well, T.M.N.T. started it all. T.M.N.T. came first. So you know what? Lock that son-bish up in jail. Lets see her maneuver her way out of a jail cell. Case dismissed!"





    Michaelangelo says: COWABUNGA DUDES! We can get hella pizza pies with that money. Or we can just buy porn. And remember kids, drugs are bad, just look at me!


    Well, there you have it folks. The long, stretchy, squishy arm of the law has come to a final decision of April O'Neil over Kill Bill.

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