May 3, 2004

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    ALL FOR LOVE (2004)
    A romantic British comedy written by Chris Lau


    Starring:



    Winona Ryder



    Chris Lau



    Tom Hanks



    ::FADE IN FLOWER SHOP::


    Winona Ryder and Chris are selling flowers.


    Winona Ryder: You know, Chris, sometimes I think I should give up my independent florist ways and settle down with a decent man who will take care of me.


    Chris: Well, what about the kids? Doesn't anybody think about the kids? Well, I can always help somehow, right?


    Winona Ryder nods in thought.


    Winona Ryder: Hmmmm, I never thought of it like that before. Maybe I will keep this flower shop and not fall in love.


    Suddenly, Tom Hanks comes into the shop. He is not impressed with the flowers on offer.


    Tom Hanks: Look here, Winona. I am not impressed with the flowers on offer here. Your flower shop is stupid.


    He leaves.


    Winona Ryder: How incredibly arrogant that Tom Hanks is! I don't like him one bit.


    Chris: Maybe I'll knock him out cold and leave him stranded on an island again!


    Winona Ryder: That's exactly what I was thinking. Come on, let's continue our work before shop closes. 


    ::CUT TO A COCKTAIL PARTY::


    Winona Ryder and Chris are enjoying themselves at a cocktail party. Winona Ryder is talking to a handsome man while Chris is also making small talk with an attractive female who resembles a blonde female porn star.


    Chris: The one fad I still can't stop griping about are those "faded" pants. I mean, they look like someone jizzed on them. Right? Am I right?


    Blonde girl: Haha! Oh, how frightfully witty. Shame on you, Winona for not introducing me to Chris sooner.


    Winona Ryder: I knew you two would get along famously. Now, why don't we all head out onto the dance floor and lambada?


    Before they can do so, there is a tap on her shoulder. She whirls around to find Tom Hanks smiling charmingly.


    Tom Hanks: Hello, Winona. Perhaps you'd care to dance with me instead?


    Winona Ryder: No I most certainly would not, Tom! I doubt I would ever fall in love with you.


    Chris: I love these jeans Tom, because it looks like you jizzed all over them.


    Everybody laughs.


    Tom Hanks: ... as the actor said to the bishop.


    Everybody laughs even more.


    Winona Ryder: (eyelashes a-flutter) Oh, Tom, how excitingly quick-witted you are. I think I shall fall in love with you. Who would have thought that would ever happen, what with my instant dislike of you when first we met?


    ::FADE TO MASSAGE PARLOUR::


    Winona Ryder and Chris are receiving massages and talking.


    Winona Ryder: Tom and I stayed up all night last night just talking. It turns out that we're both enormous fans of John Bon Jovi. I feel like I'm in that beautiful Shakespearean love sonnet. You know the one, Chris.


    Chris: The one with the tennis-racket wielding gay clown with a leotard?


    Winona Ryder: No, not that one. The other one. Oh, Chris, Tom makes my heart swoon so.


    The masseurs start pounding their backs


    Winona Ryder: Oh. That feels good. (pauses) Gee, Chris I have never felt this way about a man before. Do you have any advice for me?


    Chris: Well, here's your only chance.


    Winona Ryder: I hope you're right, Chris, I'll keep that in mind.


    ::FADE TO A PARK BENCH::


    Time has noticably passed with a sunset in the background. Winona Ryder is crying. Chris is consoling her


    Winona Ryder: I can't believe we accidentally saw Tom Hanks out with another woman! I thought he loved me. You were closest to the two of them, what was he saying to her?


    Chris: Something like, "This is just one of the thousands of opportunities that are present. Ergo. Visa vie. Concourtedly."


    Winona Ryder bursts into renewed tears. Tom Hanks comes running up to them


    Winona Ryder: I don't want to talk to you, Tom. I heard what you were saying to that horrible other woman.


    Tom: But Winona, this is all a ghastly misunderstanding of some kind.


    Winona Ryder: Leave me alone. I have a broken heart.


    Tom Hanks: I guess I will take that job in China then.


    Tom leaves


    Chris: I've said this once, and I'll say it again, food shopping is not for me.


    Winona Ryder: Thank you, Chris. That's just what I needed to hear now that I have a broken heart. No wonder you are my best friend. (pauses for a moment) In case you're wondering, I was being sarcastic!


    Chris: You don't say...


    ::CUT TO A ROAD::


    Winona Ryder and Chris are driving as fast as they can in Winona's red Caravan


    Winona Ryder: Oh, why won't this car go any faster? We have to get to the next train station in time to intercept Tom before he leaves forever!


    She accelerates but the RPM meter doesn't budge


    Winona Ryder: If only I'd got his letter that explained how our breaking up was all just a ghastly misunderstanding sooner. Read me the P.S. again, Chris


    Chris: (reading) "Lately, I've been farting at the most abnormal hours of the day"


    Winona Ryder: I still don't understand what he meant by that.


    They drive faster and faster and eventually make it to the train station in time. They rush onto the train and find Tom sitting alone.


    Winona Ryder: (With tears streaming down her face) Oh, Tom please don't go away forever. I got your letter which explained the ghastly misunderstanding. I now understand why you did what you did. And... I love you. (sobs)


    Tom: And I love you, Winona!


    They kiss. They are in love


    Chris: Well, my job's done here. Time to hit the ol' dusty road. I'll have the video of you two embracing rendered for Xanga next week, suckas!


    Tom and Winona: You said it, Chris, you said it.


    ::Starwipe onto Chris' eye::


    THE END



    Holy crap! What the hell am I smoking?

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