April 19, 2005

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  Justlike you enjoy watching your American Idol auditioners make fools ofthemselves on TV, here are some Webcam Survivor hopefuls--praying fortheir chance to make it to Xanga Stardom.
  

  Webcam Survivor isn't foreveryone. If you can't handle the heat, commitment, and criticicm ofyour special host, this game isn't for you. And what better way tocriticize than my special friend, Joe_XXX.This character is one in a million. Joe_XXX is here to bash some of thecontestants much like Simon Cowell does. So don't be tearing when youread his comments--you signed up for it.
  

  This year, we received anoverwhelming amount of participants. Over 60 applied within 24 hours.That set a new record, the previous being 40. Since a few people didn'tfollow directions like supplying a name and age, or they didn't evensubmit a photo (wtf face), their applications were automatically void.Then there were some people who decided to send obviously fakeapplications (Elvis is dead, idiot!). In the end, after sifting throughthe legitimate applications, 43 have been permitted to audition.
  

  Below you will findvarious Xangans, with varying race, age, and interests. I advise you tolook at their site, and see what type of characters they are. (Or ifyou were me, just look at their pics ) I have left their applicationsthe way I received them through e-mail so you can tell what type ofperson they are. Do they seem organized, half-assing, clueless, orgassy? Your vote will tell.
  

  Now, browse through the contestants and vote for 10 of the one's you feel deserve to move on in the comment section. Yes, I told you Webcam Survivors this WILL be harsh to the self-image. When voting, please use their Xanga screennames.
  

  Tips for Webcam Survivors: Get your friends involved
  

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  My name's Kacie. I'm a 17 year old Ohioan.  I like swimming, dancing,cheerleading, and volleyball, to name a few. My xanga is: www.xanga.com/stova06.
  

  Joe_XXX Says: Hey Mary Jane, shouldn't you be out with Spidey?
  

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  Xanga Address: http://www.xanga.com/thevurd
  Name: Baby Boomba // Anthony
  Age: 3 // 14
  State: state? STATE? psh. British Columbia.
  Hobbies: drinking milk, playing games, emphasizing something small
  like the death of a worm and go on and on about it for days, read,
  write, tv, etc etc.
  for actual ACTUAL hobbies: playing my guitar, singing to myself,
  xanga(if you can call it one) and most of my time is devoted to the
  beautiful invention of the computer.
  

  Joe_XXX Says: Look, it's Ray Charles in Asian form!

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  Xanga address   xanga.com/Andrew143

  name Andrew

  age  25

  state NY

  hobbies taking nudie pix and giving massages
  

  Joe_XXX Says: Does that tattoo say "I have small wang?"
  

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  xanga.com/dizmfker. 20. CA. gettin drunk.
  anything stupid. blacking out.
  

  Joe_XXX Says: This is what happens when you jump into a pool of chlorine.
  

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  SRAguilar

  Sarah

  18

  TEXAS!!!

  SINGING, DANCING, LAUGHING, IVAN
  

  Joe_XXX Says: Did your face just get pressed up against a glass wall?
  

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  www.xanga.com/DaNotoriousCYNT

  Cynthia R.

  16

  NY

  Ihave a lot. I write slam poetry, I read books that can intellectuallychallenge me, I also happen to play the cello. At school I'm in alot of clubs (does that count?). I'm in the mock trial and moot courtteam, orchestra, newspaper, literary magazine, and leadership team. Ialso tutor a college freshman and elementary/junior high schoolstudents. Okay, I feel like I'm writing a college application. All inall, I try my best and participate in all these activities so I can goto a good college and get the hell out of the Coney Island projects.
  

  Joe_XXX Says: Read: Nerd 2005.
  

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  Xanga address: www.xanga.com/metskid
  Name: Alan
  Age: 16
  State: NJ
  Hobbies: Sports, Computers, Watching Sports...I don't really know
  

  Joe_XXX Says: Been drinking too much Tang and orange juice lately?
  

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  xanga address- http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=daroca4u

  name- Gardea Yefehmu Jomas Christian

  age- 16

  state where live- Delaware

  hobbies- reading, playing soccer/basketball, playingchess, playing ps2 (sport/rpg/action) games, practicing my lady game(haha!)
  

  Joe_XXX Says: Obviously we can't decide if we want to be Black or White.
  

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  xanga: naija_naija
  name: Muoyo
  age: 21
  state: New York
  hobbies: Basketball, Readin, Plottin, Schemin, and Hustlin. Law &
  Order, Dave Chappelle, Drinkin Juice
  

  Joe_XXX Says: Why are your wrists big as your shoulders? Are you "beating the meat" THAT often?
  

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  Xanga addy: http://www.xanga.com/ryan51football

  Name: Ryan

  Age: 19

  State: Illinois, represent!

  Hobbies: Eating crayons. Cool stuff. You know the deal.
  

  Joe_XXX Says: Best costume. Ever.
  

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  www.xanga.com/pinoyriceburner
  Jefferson Velasco
  19
  Colorado

  Hobbies include trying to be totally awesome. Pinching people's cheeks
  after they've their wisdom teeth extracted, fighting evil villians.
  Eating dim sum...pointing out the obvious. Stating "I have a
  confession" when responded to, I then continue on to state "you suck."
  I also like putting lip balm on my chaffing lips, coco butter on my
  dry skin and marker on my friends face. Oh and I also like
  Naruto....and to draw...and people make fun of me...End
  

  Joe_XXX Says: Do the arrows imply all the dog, cat, and eggrolls about to fly into your mouth?
  

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  misslaughstoomuch

  Amanda

  18 years old

  Southern CA... yes it DOES make a difference. I don't like being associate with them northerners... andd I digress.

  hobbies: photography, dancing around my house like a maniac, singing off key, filling out mindless entries like these
  

  Joe_XXX Says: Pedophilia is not a joke. Neither is lesbianism.
  

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  www.xanga.com/gooksantiger
  Tommy JK Lee
  age: 20
  New York
  Hobbies: Drinking, Sleeping, Eating, Working Out, and more drinking
  

  Joe_XXX Says: You must be Neo--blindfolded by dental floss.
  

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  Name: Trinh Dang
  Age: 19
  Nationality: Vietnamese
  Occupation: Student and a bum
  Xanga: Mindboggling
  State: Big ol' Texas
  Hobbies: eBaying, watch Family Guy, find new music, hit on boys, and argue
  

  Joe_XXX Says: I've seen that shirt design before, I believe they're called Cream Savers?
  

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  Xanga: Catgofire

  Name: Justin Brown

  Age: 17

  State: Illinois

  Hobbies: anything surrounding the word "computer geek," photography,
  piano, and friends
  

  Joe_XXX Says: And I thought Albino White people were pale.
  

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  xanga username: o_O_whatcha_lookin_at_o_O

  name: e*...or does this have to be our real name?

  age: 18

  state: kansas...in the boonies somewhere.

  hobbies: eating, sleeping, napoleon dynamite, music.
  

  Joe_XXX Says: I know a great plastic surgeon who does breast implants. Buy one and get the other half off!
  

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  Xanga address: www.xanga.com/gyjcwang
  name: Jason
  age: 81
  state: CA
  hobbies: Telling little kids how their moms are
  cheating on their dads with Santa, and how Tooth Fairy
  was a way of compensating the kid for neglecting him/her
  

  Joe_XXX Says: Gee, someone's been lonely on some nights.
  

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  - xanga.com/abre_los_0jos
  - lindsey ((Lp))
  - nineteen

  - arizona

  - art, partying, the beach, drinking, roadtrips, ASU
  

  Joe_XXX Says: Brain cell count: 2. After alcohol consumption: 1.
  

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  xanga address is: Twist2daRav3n

  Name: Raven

  Age: 20

  State: Virginia

  Hobbies: I snowboard like a boy, I'm a Hooter's girlto kill time, I sketch when I'm inspired, write to relieve stress,dance and can drink any guy under the table with shots of 151.
  

  Joe_XXX Says: So you enjoy dancing on men under the table? Shit...I feel bad for that fella's groinal area.
  

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  (right)
  

  Xanga:  darkcorruptor

  Name:  James Garcia

  Age:  19

  State:  NJ

  Hobbies:  Destroying the XangaWorld, Biting my Bottom Lip, Popping Bubble Paper, Using AXE Spray Deodorant as Mace, Downloading 20 Second PornClips Off Free Sites (Then Deleting Them only to download the sameexact clips the next day), Cooking (Limited to Boiling Water andadding substance or CRACK)
  

  Joe_XXX Says: TheAmbiguously Gay Duo strikes again. C'mon, only fags take pics with eachwhile making constipated faces. It's bad enough you sent this pic ofall you have.
  

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  xanga: cantbfaded
  name: sebastian
  age: 24
  state: alabama
  hobbies: photog, stripclubs, blogging, and stripclubs...
  

  Joe_XXX Says: "My nerdy senses are tingling! Somebody forgot to carry the 1 in that tax return! THE FOOL!"
  

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  Address: xanga.com/rawk_sauce

  Name: Jessica

  Age: 18

  State: Florida

  Hobbies: Panic attacks
  

  Joe_XXX Says: Seeing how your picture looks, I think the guy should be having panic attacks.

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  xanga address:  Pulsarbabe
  name: Julie Ha
  state: California
  age: 23
  hobbies: knitting and crocheting scarves and afghans, sketching and
  doodling, shopping for tea and black soaps, taking long walks around
  my neighborhood when the sun is still up, watching independent and
  horror films, drinking beer and eating wasabi peas.
  

  Joe_XXX Says: Obviously the smartest pea in the pod--holding a lit cigarette near alcohol. INGENIOUS!
  

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  www.xanga.com/TheParkN8r
  Celine
  19 years old (will be 20 in about 2 weeks)
  California
  Hobbies: breaking expensive electronics, sleeping, shopping, hanging 
  out, eating
  

  Joe_XXX Says: Your hobbies are SOOO original. I really must say.
  

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  xanga alias: liquidjenn.

  name: jennie.
  age: 22.
  state: new york city. haha.
  hobbies: uhm,obviously - not much going on for this one... since i'm sitting herefilling out an *application* for a xanga game you made up.  ikid.  uhh... let's see... bitching, moaning, complaining... oh...and snowboarding.

  Joe_XXX Says: Jenn, I think you have a little something on your nose. But moaning seems like redemption if you're up for it.
  

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  1. sarcastikism

  2. matt

  3. 16

  4. long island, new york

  5. music, karate, traveling
  

  Joe_XXX Says: Dude, you're White!
  

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  Tonnyandarvin4evr. 
  Arvin and Tonny
  California  
  Hobbies:  webcam with eachother talk on the phone all day.
  
  

  Joe_XXX Says: I wonder what's not being capture below this picture frame. Are you two making babies again?
  

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  my xanga ddress is x0x0x_sw33tkiSzesZ_x0x0x

  well my name is Jackie lol
  I'm 14
  I live in Illinois or w/e
  I Love Skating(roller skating) I <3 hanging out at the mall n just hanging with my friends n I guess drawing lol
  

  Joe_XXX Says: LOL! WAHA KEKE!
  

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  Xanga Adress:http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=shimmyxtillxthexbreakxofxdawn
  Name: Tiffany (Tiffo)

  Age: 14

  State: Missouri
  Hobbies: hanging with friends, eating, sleeping, reading, playing around on the computer

  Joe_XXX Says: Emo. 'Nuff said.
  

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  http://xanga.com/inlove_x

  Name: Chloe

  Age: 16

  State: n/a, im from England ;D

  Hobbies: Swimming, Chatting on the net, Shopping [rolls eyes] erm, I don't really know o.O
  

  Joe_XXX Says: I once knew a Chloe. She had herpes.
  

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  Xanga address: chelleart

  Name: Michelle

  Age: 21

  State: NJ

  Hobbies:Photography. Eating lots of chocolate. Scaring my boyfriend bypretending to be that freak girl from The Ring. Reading books, butnever the ones assigned for class - I sparknote all those... hehe.Wasting precious study time surfing the net.

  Joe_XXX Says: ::insert picture of chipmunk here::
  
  

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  http://xanga.com/brandonlovessam
  Brandon Myres
  15
  Illinois
  Females...and...Computers? haha.
  
  Joe_XXX Says: How the hell do you see if your hair is blindfolding you?
  

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  xanga: MISunderstood_FCUK

  name: caroline

  age:16

  state:new york

  hobbies: dancing, sleeping, listening to music, photography, sexual humor, swimming, basketball, drawing, anime.

  
  Joe_XXX Says: So i headed over to your site, and I read this: "random pic. im so ugly..."

  Shit, you're right!
  
  

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  Xanga: http://www.xanga.com/airina05

  Name: Erin

  State: n/a

  PROVINCE: British Columbia
  

  Hobbies: softball, reading, sex

  Joe_XXX Says: This must be the long lost Smurfette everyone was talking about.
  
  

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  Aznxfr3ak
  Kenny Nguyen
  15
  Virginia
  Breakdancing and Paintballing

  Joe_XXX Says: One recommendation: Pepto Bismol.
  
  

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  xanga: www.xanga.com/jaja_nech_oioi
  age: 19
  state: New York City, N.Y. but originally from Carmel California.
  hobbies: lets see.. hobbies..tennis i <3 tennis but noone here in nyc
  that i know plays and noone has a  racket..and~ you have to pay to
  play here.. wat the hecking is that!? okay holdem with the boys back
  at home.. Cars.!1 talking about them...doing things to them.. .driving
  them..anything them..... trying to kick the pigeons here in
  nyc.....graffiti i love graff. art..singing..i love to sing(usually by
  myself or friends)... taking pictures..i'm starting to fall in love
  with photography...make up! i love anything makeup..hanging out with
  the homies..that's all i can think of now x]
  
  Joe_XXX Says: There's a monster spray can attacking you! HOLY SHIT!
  

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  xanga adress- http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=evil_diana_133

  name- diana

  age-12

  state- california

  hobbies- being cool

  Joe_XXX Says: If being cool is your hobby, you have failed miserably.
  
  

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  Xanga address: bebipenquin
  name: dinq
  age: 16
  state: ca 
  hobbies: singing  
  
  Joe_XXX Says: You look like a very beautiful boy.
  

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  Xanga Address: www.xanga.com/therealnemesis
  
  
  Name: Christian Martinez
  
  Age: 15
  
  State: Maryland
  
  Hobbies: Playing Sports and Working Out (Football, Basketball,
  Wrestling, Lacrosse, Baseball, Soccer), Chillin with my Friends,
  Photography, Doing New Stuff (if thats even a hobby).
  
  Joe_XXX Says: Are you going to mow my lawn yet?
  

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  Username: Mr_Blair
  
  Name: Art Adhatamsoontra
  
  Age: 15
  
  State: Maryland
  
  Hobbies: Video Games, Sports, Friends, food, ect.
  
  Joe_XXX Says: Damn, with that pointed nose you can cut through fences!
  

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  Xanga address: www.xanga.com/s022290c
  
  Name: Ashley Choe
  
  Age: 15
  
  State: Virginia
  
  Hobbies: Lacrosse, minesweeper.
  
  Joe_XXX Says: Squinting will only make the cumshot burn the eyes.
  

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  Hybiscuskiss
  
  Kristen
  
  19
  
  Music, Madness, Your Mom. Hmm, I've decided that I shall try out for this game of yours...I
  wanted to send a naked picture, but you know, I figured that might do
  harm to my political life later on.
  
  Joe_XXX Says: With that profile pic, I don't even have to do any work!

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  xanga address: /maverick8221

  name: billy

  age: 22

  state: nj

  hobbies: baseball, photography, ps2, music, partying.
  

  Joe_XXX Says: Suddenly, we become uber-cool (to the extreme) by wearing our 5 year old brothers T-shirt.

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   Xanga address, name, age, state, hobbies and in the subject line, put
  "Webcam Survivor".

  You know all of them
  shi
  kim
  21
  ca
  masturbating
  

  Joe_XXX Says: Based on your face, there should be a "T" affixed to the end of your screenname--it suits you better.
  

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  So there you have it folks, this years 2005 auditions. Make your votes count.

  Since tabulating the votes will be a very tedious task, I've elected a lovely Xanga friend of mine, Christy to take care of the vote counts. Lets all give a round of applause for her time. ::clap::

  Chris Lau, out!

  • 12:55 am
  • 973 Comments