April 20, 2005

  • Why I would never make for a good stand-up comedian.

    After receiving an ungodly amount of
    extra credit (my average is a 105.4!) in my advertising class, I
    decided to garner some more points to achieve some Guinness record. So,
    in order for me to get these extra points, we were required to do an
    oral presentation. Being the slacker I am, I decided to wing it and be
    Mr. Entertainer. Here is an exact rendition.

    Professor S.: Okay, we have time for just one more presentation--Chris Lau?
    [I proceed to the front of the room]

    10:45am:
    Okay, since we're pressed for time, I'll make this as quick as possible.

    10 seconds later:
    My company Minorities Lite present to you a chain of restaurants called "Rent-Em-Spoons."

    12 seconds later:
    [I start to applaud, signaling that I'm done]

    15 seconds later:
    [I walk towards my desk]

    20 seconds later:
    Professor S.: If you want a bad grade for this, you'd stay in that seat. If not, you'd get your butt back up there.

    20     seconds later:
    [I jump out of my seat and become flustered and a loss for words]

    25 seconds later:
    [I read a few lines off my notes]

    50 seconds later:
    "and that's why you 'Rent-Em-Spoons'!"

     55 seconds later:
    Professor S.: Record timing, Mr. Lau

    Homosexual Sports Photos of the Day


    "Wow, that is one nice a*s"
    "My, oh my, yes"


    "I'll never let go. I'll never let
    go, Jack."

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