27 Completely Unexplainable Dating Site Pictures.
Online dating can be really, really weird.
Only a few years ago, online dating was a taboo concept. Now, more of my friends--even here on Xanga--are opening up to the idea of online dating. Here are the people who ruin it for everyone else on dating sites.
People Being Massive Jerks For No Reason.
People are giant jerks to each other all the time, everywhere. Here's a guide that might help.
Love On Wheels.
You've been dating the girl of you dreams for over six years now. You recently proposed to her and plan to get married in a few months. On her way to work, she gets into a terrible car accident and loses the ability to walk. Forever. Would you reconsider marrying her or continue with it?
I recently saw a TV promo for the television show Push Girls and it got me interested enough to read more about the show. As I was watching and reading some of the interviews with these girls, one of them was in a similar situation I've mentioned above. So that got me thinking. Would I have a change of heart if my fiancee/girlfriend suddenly became paralyzed?
Why I Don't Like Xanga Meets.
The truth must be told.
There have been numerous Xanga meets in the past. Some taking place in New York, California, Virginia, and even Houston. But I must admit, I don't like them. Not one bit. I can spill out a tome of words for reasons these meetups are terrible, but I'll just let these photos speak for themselves.
Every meet up, I must resist the urge of assaulting others.
(photo credit to @whotakethmycoke)
Xangans begin hating each other due to not being able to stand each other for more than five minutes.
But I also have no self-control.
And I'm a cannibal.
I'm always used as a pillow. I should start charging.
Xangans pretend to be good friends with you...
...then make fun of you behind your back.
There is no concept of personal space with Xangans.
...ever.
Japanese Chef Serves Own Genitals For Dinner
Nothing in that headline is inaccurate or an exaggeration. Mao Sugiyama is a Japanese chef who recently served his/her surgically removed male genitals to five connoisseurs for about $250 a plate. WARNING: Yes, there are photos.
Via CalorieLab:
"'Ham Cybele – Century Banquet,' at the 'Asagaya Loft A' event space in the Suginami Ward of Tokyo. 'Century' in Japanese is a homophone for the Japanese word for 'genitals'; 'Ham Cybele' refers to the Anatolian mother goddess, prefixed with an appropriate word for tough meat to create a phrase whose initials match Sugiyama’s artist name of HC."
DOUBLE DOG WARNING! DO NOT PROCEED IF YOU ARE SQUEAMISH!
NO, SERIOUSLY! DON'T GO ANY FURTHER IF YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE PHOTOS OF DETACHED JUNK!
OKAY, IT'S YOUR EYEBALLS! I'VE DONE MY PART AND YOU'VE BEEN DULY WARNED ABOUT SAC, SHAFT AND BALLS BEING PREPPED, COOKED AND EATEN!
LA Trip 2012
The yearly mecca to California continues.
In the past, my visits to Los Angeles have been solo, and meeting up with friends along the way. This past trip was different, with a group of friends from back home tagging along for the ride. We bypassed most of the touristy stuff since we've all been to LA before. With one of our friends living there already, we left our trip in his hands. Here's three days in LA compressed into one neat little package.
The Getty. Second time's a charm.
Giving the Playboy Grotto a runs for it's money.
It's all about the angles...
It's...a penis!
Making our way to the wonderful beaches.
An Easy A.
Most students achieve higher grades by studying longer hours, hiring tutors, sleeping with their teachers, or naturally gifted. Me? I do term papers for teachers.
It was 12th grade, my economics teacher (second straight year teaching me). He's fairly young, clean cut, a great sense of humor, and coach of the football team. In fact, he looks just like The Rock. He walked beside me one day during a lesson taking place in the computer labs for research. While everyone was busy researching or playing games on websites, my teacher offered me something nobody could refuse: a guaranteed A+ for the year.
It was only November.
He takes a knee beside me. While looking straight at my PC monitor, he whispers into my ear, "I have something to offer you, Mr. Lau. A copious amount of extra credit." It was something straight out of The Godfather. Or at least the PG-Rated version. He hands me a paper, rolled up like a child-like telescope. "Finish this, and you won't have to worry about the rest of this year." He wanted me to complete his graduate paper.
I know, right? 17 year old me, doing 27 year old work. He must've taken hindsight when I was skewing the bell curves with my government tests when he taught me in 11th grade. I leafed through the pages. Simple enough--at least with the help of our fairly unheard of friend at the time, Wikipedia.
I continued to look straight at my monitor, never making eye contact with him. "Five days sound good?" He pats my shoulder and gives my shoulder a few comradely squeezes.
A few years after graduation, I stopped by my high school to visit some old teachers. I walked by his classroom and saw him there, still teaching, secure with his job.
Easy A.
Note: This is an entry from my protected posts. It's been years since I wrote it, so I think it's safe for public viewing. I may slowly reveal more of these protected entries in the future based on audience reaction.
Why I Don't Go To Church.
Religion is never to be taken lightly. Unless you're me. You become scarred for life after attending church just once and write a humorous piece about it.
When I was a senior in high school, my friend who's Christian (though loosely followed rules), decided to take me along on a trip to his church. "It'd be fun," he said. "You might like it," he said. What I didn't know was it would result in me being on a church retreat. For an entire weekend.
As an agnostic, this did not sit well with me.
Those unfamiliar with how churchians and their churchy things go, this is like jumping from preschool math on an Etch-a-Sketch to college level Algebra overnight. I don't remember much because I was probably being exorcized constantly from the Heavens above or deleted these memories from my mind. But what I do recall most was the guest pastor who knelt down, put his arm around my shoulders like I was one of his own, and began to speak in tongue. It would forever be etched in my mind for years.
They dimmed the lights at the church like it was a romantic evening with God. One teen picked up and started strumming an acoustic, another tapped away on the piano. People began singing and chanting Christian songs. Before I could gather myself, the whole church was swaying back and forth in unison, holding hands, and praising the lord. I felt like Mr. Rogers and Bob Ross were about to pop out from the back and join in.
Soon after, we all spit into small groups. My friend who invited me became separated. It's like a child being ripped away from the arms of a mother. There was no way I wanted to be on my own, but there was no hope. It was so foreign to me. I constantly looked around for my friend (who soon became an ex-friend as soon as the retreat ended), figuring out what to do.
Adding the blasphemous icing on the cake, later on that same night, the pastor asked me to lead a prayer. Great. I had NO idea what to do. I panicked. So I elbowed my friend to go up for me because everyone's eyes were closed. Or I thought they were. They were all Korean, so I couldn't tell under the dimly lit church.
The rest of the night became a blur. Aside from being the only Chinese heathen in a Korean church retreat, I was found huddled and crouched in the corner, whispering to myself, "this will all end soon. I'll be home soon..."
This is why I'm going to Hell. Well, besides the obvious reasons of course.
In An Open Relationship.
There's a moment in every man's life that he will be simply awestruck by utter beauty. The way she dances on screen and leaves you wanting more. You can't eat, sleep, or go a moment without thinking about her. You look at the time and it's already sunrise because you'd rather forgo sleep than spend a waking moment without her in front of you.
Sorry, ladies, but I'm officially taken as of today. And as most relationships affect Xangans, expect a lack of updates due to this new-found relationship.
Expect all of team ASSCAT to suffer the same fate.
@FlipGuy31O @SonyChak @Junbelievable08 @Roadlesstaken @Timmmmmmy
15 Ways To Make All Your Friends Hate You.
So many pranks, so little time.
It's just plain WRONG.
Via buzzfeed.
Dog pulls owner off of train tracks.
I love dogs. I love the way they taste.
Kidding. Maybe.
Jokes aside, I'm highly allergic to them but I deal with it because they're wonderful companions. Their unrequited love for their owners make them simply awesome. One of the dogs I owned was a boxer/pitbul mutt. Similar to Lilly, my family rescued him from the dog shelter; when he was only a few months old. One of the kindest dogs you'll know. It's unfortunate their breeds gets such a notorious cloud over them.
It's a good thing dogs are chewy, and cats are delicious and tender.
I'm preparing for April Fools early this year.
What was the best prank you've pulled on somebody/been a victim of?
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Whew! I'm Not Pregnant.
This guy won't be going on Maury any time soon.
In other related news, I did have a food baby after sister (@amuse_bouche) cooked up this lovely dish of Jamaican Jerk Chicken. Here's how you can recreate it and impress ALL the ladies!
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