April 24, 2007

  • Heavy Lifting.

    "FEEL
    THAT BURN! FEEL THAT BURNNNN!"
    "What the eff? Stop sticking that lighter
    near my face!"

    Perhaps we're thinking about the incorrect type of
    "burn." More importantly, what should really burn are the type of
    gym-goers as discussed below. If you're a regular gym-goer (and I'm
    sure you are, fatty), you've probably come across the likes of these
    folk.

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    The Weight Watcher
    -
    These are the type (predominantly women) who visits the scale to weigh
    him or herself every 20 minutes. Listen, if you expect immediate
    results, one word: Lipo.

    The Disgruntled Goat -
    The gym-goer who usually outdoes themselves by adding roughly 250lbs on
    top of their max output. Sounds like he's about to give birth to a
    meteor or mutating into a Rancor. RARRRRGH!

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    PUSH! PUSH! BREAAAATH! PUSH!

    The Talk Show Host -
    Usually seen accompanying his friend. Has his elbow resting on a
    machine while he yaps it up to his friend working out. How 'bout them
    Mets?

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    "And I was like, STDs are sooo underrated. So I just had to get one! Tee-hee!"

    The False Informant -
    Gives terrible tips on how to work out--much like your mechanic who
    tells your wife they need "headlight fluid" or a new set of "engine
    microphones."

    The Meathead - Self-explanatory. Arnold was here.

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    Mr. Ron Coleman, the man himself

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    You don't want see me when I'm constipated.

    The Waterboy -
    Like the weight watcher, this gym-goer is usually seen in his regular
    habitat near the watercooler/fountain. They say you need to keep
    hydrated, but that's overkill!

    Trailmix -
    The worst type of gym-goer. These are the ones who leave a lake of
    sweat on the bench after they workout. You need a hazmat team to clean
    up the mess he leaves for others to clean. Merry Christmas!

    Editor's Note:
    I'm not pulling all of this out my arse (visual evidence below). I've been going to the gym for
    the past 2 years. And no, I'm not somebody you should confer with when
    going to the gym. You pay dieticians and personal trainers big bucks
    for that, but I won't stop you from paying me to keep your mouth closed
    at the buffet tables.

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    Starving like Marvin and watching Jamie hang onto dear life as I belt out an evil laugh.

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    I'm bringing sexy back. Get it? Shut up!

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    Never mess with Bolo. Not even Jean-Claude Van Damme.


    Degrading Sports Photo of the Day

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    PIGGYBACK RIDE!

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