September 4, 2013

August 29, 2013

  • Just ate at Denny’s. Their Grand Slam Breakfast just grand slammed my colon.

August 25, 2013

  • 18 Everyday Products You’ve Been Using Wrong

     Your life has been a lie.

    1. You’ve probably been ignoring this feature.

    You've probably been ignoring this feature.

    Most aluminum foil boxes have press-in tabs that secure the roll in place, so you don’t have worry about it flying out every time you rip off a sheet.

    2. You’ve been dispensing Tic Tacs the hard way.

    You've been dispensing Tic Tacs the hard way.

    You know how when you violently shake a container of Tic Tacs into your palm it seems as though you always end up with zero or seven? Avoid that altogether by letting a mint gently glide into the tiny lid crevice.

    3. Forget to pack a spoon with that applesauce? No problem.

    Forget to pack a spoon with that applesauce? No problem.

    Ever find yourself with an individual cup of applesauce or yogurt and no spoon? Instead of slurping and probably getting half of your snack on your shirt, turn the foil lid into a makeshift spoon.

    Obviously, don’t try this if you’ve got a mouth full of metal fillings.

    4. You’ve been storing peanut butter the wrong way.

    You've been storing peanut butter the wrong way.

    Never arm wrestle with a jar of peanut butter, just to make sure it’s not oily on top and crumby on the bottom, again. Store it upside down, so the oils distribute evenly.

    5. You haven’t been using ketchup cups to their full potential.

    You haven't been using ketchup cups to their full potential.

    Instead of grabbing multiple cups of ketchup, simply pull apart at the edges for twice the space.

    6. You’re probably using the wrong plunger.

    You're probably using the wrong plunger.

    This is easily the most recognizable plunger. Chances are you have one lying around the house. BUT, did you know it’s only meant to be used on clogged sinks?

    To unclog a toilet, you need a flange plunger, which doesn’t have a flat bottom.

    7. Chinese takeout containers are actually made to fold out into plates.

    Chinese takeout containers are actually made to fold out into plates.

    The containers actually are meant to unfold into a makeshift plate, which you can easily reassemble into a box for storing leftovers.

    More info here.

    8. You’re brushing with too much toothpaste.

    You're brushing with too much toothpaste.

    You only need to use a pea-sized amount of toothpaste for effective cleaning. Most ads feature globs of toothpaste the size of the brush because a.) it looks nice and b.) it makes you use up more toothpaste.

    9. Greek yogurt containers are meant to be folded in half.

    Greek yogurt containers are meant to be folded in half.

    Chances are you’ve been scooping the toppings with your spoon onto the yogurt.

    But, have you realized, the topping holder folds over, so you can pour the toppings DIRECTLY ON TOP?

    10. You’ve probably been placing toilet seat covers in the wrong direction.

    You've probably been placing toilet seat covers in the wrong direction.

    The flap is meant to be placed toward the front. This prevents the agony of sitting down on a toilet seat, only to realize you’ve dragged the cover down into the bowl.

    11. Soda tabs double as straw holders.

    Soda tabs double as straw holders.

    Turn the tab around so that it acts as holder that can stop the straw from raising out of the can as the soda fizzes.

    12. There’s a foolproof way to keep your extension cords from coming undone.

    There's a foolproof way to keep your extension cords from coming undone.

    Plug the cords into a loop to avoid disconnection.

    13. Pipe cleaners can be used to clean..ACTUAL PIPES.

    Pipe cleaners can be used to clean..ACTUAL PIPES.

    OK, sure, you can use them to make mess free crafts with your kids, but did you know you can also use them…

    …for this.

    Instructions here.

    14. You’ve been serving juice boxes the wrong way.

    You've been serving juice boxes the wrong way.

    Pull the sides out so you child has something to grasp onto, stopping them from spilling.

    15. Never break off more chocolate than you can chew again.

    Never break off more chocolate than you can chew again.

    To easily break off a single piece of Toblerone, pull toward the bar, not away from it.

    16. You probably don’t realize it, but your pots come with built-in spoon rests.

    You probably don't realize it, but your pots come with built-in spoon rests.

    That hanging hole doubles as a spoon rest, in a pinch.

    17. There’s a much easier way to floss.

    There's a much easier way to floss.

    Tie floss into a loop and never strangle your fingers again.

    18. Soft-drink lids can double as coasters.

    Soft-drink lids can double as coasters.

    Take the lid from the top of cup (or grab an extra) and use it as a perfectly sized coaster.

    18 Everyday Products You've Been Using Wrong

August 20, 2013

August 12, 2013

  • Booby Beach BBQ.

    The weather was perfect. My friends were there. What more could one ask for? Oh, lots of boobies.

    Enjoy!

    https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/q71/s720x720/1150149_835281537517_1213283370_n.jpg

    https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/q71/s720x720/21401_835277315977_2002883642_n.jpg

    https://fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/q71/s720x720/21401_835277141327_1191503544_n.jpg

    https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-frc1/q71/s720x720/1002183_835277066477_1737396608_n.jpg
    I asked the girls if they could touch their elbows together…
    https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/q71/s720x720/644266_835277181247_1559470571_n.jpg

    https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/q71/s720x720/1150184_835277161287_303463080_n.jpg

    https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/q71/s720x720/1170693_835279970657_2144360618_n.jpg
    About six months.

    https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/q71/s720x720/1157567_835280125347_634635401_n.jpg
    Copping a feel.

    https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc1/q71/s720x720/995792_835280569457_1606680608_n.jpg

    https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/q71/s720x720/1146740_835280709177_1828853815_n.jpg

    https://fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/q71/s720x720/484082_835276392827_1661985144_n.jpg

    https://fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn2/q71/s720x720/969277_835276587437_1093172154_n.jpg
    It was like Chinatown at the beach.

    https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc3/q71/s720x720/971599_835276931747_2008750466_n.jpg
    Nom nom nom.

    https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/q71/s720x720/998586_835276986637_1966692955_n.jpg

    https://fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/q71/s720x720/1005240_835277520567_48717776_n.jpg

    https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/q71/s720x720/601395_835278827947_1897500357_n.jpg
    Continue reading

August 11, 2013

August 5, 2013

  • Meeting Disaster.

    Coworker #1: Is she coming?

    Me (thinks to self): That’s what she said….
    Coworker #2: Yeah, she told me she’s coming.
    Me (thinks to self): Oh my god. Please stop. Resist all temptation, Chris.
    Boss: Oh, here she comes.
    Me: That’s what she said!!!!
    Everyone stares at me in silence.
    Me: Err…she said she was coming to the meeting…that’s what she said…

    http://images2.fanpop.com/images/answers/1000/1170_1236646826720_400_289.jpg


    Pubes in the Cube.

    Me: I saw the curliest pube in the urinal.
    Coworker: How curly?
    Me: It was like the spring of a click pen.

    http://www.moderninternational.net/images/wire/photos/penspring.jpg


    Degrading Sports Photo of the Day

    http://x38.xanga.com/169f3327d5c33236333309/w186717830.jpg
    High five! High five, anyone?

    Hoover Sings Standardized Testing Blues

July 31, 2013

  • XANGA LIVES!

    After a successful campaign, we get to see Xanga move onto version 2.0. It’s been a roller coaster of emotions for many.

    When we all first heard the news of Xanga possibly shutting down.
    http://i.imgur.com/CkGiI.gif

    Then we started seeing people donating.
    http://i.imgur.com/hvFn80t.gif

    After a while, donations slowed.
    http://i.minus.com/idDkOiFCiOvVl.gif

    Whenever we got a rare update from the Xanga Team.
    http://i.imgur.com/iyn3ryo.gif

    When the first “deadline” approached.
    http://i.imgur.com/mFER7E8.gif

    When Xangans started to feel “lied to.”
    http://i.imgur.com/7pgy3Qc.gif

    Half of Xanga (that felt lied to) versus the other half who supported Xanga no matter what.
    http://i.imgur.com/Wiy1WIf.gif

    How most Xangan feel after this whole campaign.
    http://i.imgur.com/dVesVac.gif

    When we finally reached the fundraising goal today.
    http://i.imgur.com/bqhtEFj.gif

    What people thought of the Xanga Team after they reached their goal.
    http://i.imgur.com/K2dS0SE.gif

    Going through the numerous Xanga threads on Facebook regarding the fundraiser.
    http://i.imgur.com/0vi7glW.gif

    How most people view @thexangateam
    http://i.imgur.com/IM8OuuB.gif

    How @edlives must feel right now.
    http://i.imgur.com/fkE8z.gif

    How we all should feel after everything is said and done. This is Xanga and the community that makes it so great compared other blogging platforms. Let’s move on and have some fun!
    http://i.imgur.com/4OEN3.gif


    Want Some of The Funniest Chemistry Jokes EVER? Check out this site here!

    http://chemistryjokes.info/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/chemistry-cat.jpg

July 29, 2013

  • Final Xanga Post.

    So here we are. The final days, hours, minutes of Xanga are here.

    In slightly discouraging news, we are still ways from our goal of saving Xanga. A new Korean compact car away, to put it in perspective. However, if Bill Gates or Oprah happen to find this and are feeling more generous than usual, perhaps we’ll see each other once more down the road leaving eProps for one another. If not, it can only be summed up in a short, but powerful clip from Titanic.

    If you haven’t been offended (greatly) by me during my time on Xanga, we can keep in touch through Twitter or Facebook.



    I don’t like to blog, this is for non-entertainment purposes only.
      Posted 5/30/2002 7:07 PM

    My first Xanga post. Oh, the irony. Oh, how far it’s come.

July 25, 2013

  • A Moment of Panic.

    http://www.anxietysymptomsdr.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/panic-attack-symptoms.png
    This shampoo is amazing!

    In the middle of math class, a random boner popped up. As fate would have it, the teacher selects me to come to the front and solve a math problem. My face was immediately tomato red, I never sweat so profusely and so quickly. I tried to buy some time by “tying” my shoelaces. After about 10 seconds (not nearly enough time), I kind of hunched over and speed walked like a senior citizen at the mall, straight to the chalkboard. I don’t know if anyone noticed my half limpy in my pants, but I never felt so much panic in such a short period of time.

    What moment in your life caused the most panic?

July 22, 2013

  • Cakalusa Goes to Hell. Then back to Ethiopia.

    http://notenoughgood.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/ethiopian-girl.jpg
    Oh, herro.

    So a few friends and I make our way around St. Marks in the city, trying to dodge traffic while looking for a parking spot. While looking, I spot an Ethiopian restaurant. That’s when the devil horns came shooting out of my scalp; I had to blurt out to my friends a snide comment. Almost “go straight to hell” worthy.

    “It must be bland to eat air.”

    http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3snuuOktp1r0rekjo1_400.gif


    Random Bowling and Gaming.
    http://xd3.xanga.com/e7af016542631246106233/w195121358.jpg
    Wow, what a clear view of Optimus Prime’s balls!

    http://x26.xanga.com/0b085040d62a8246106230/w195121355.jpg
    Eight player linked Daytona racing. A classic!

    http://x0c.xanga.com/cc2f306552730246106228/w195121354.jpg
    How did this Xangan (now defunct!) do?

    http://x90.xanga.com/a3ff0a7175231246106237/w195121360.jpg
    You be the judge of whether she did well or not (hint: gutter).


    Random funny image of the day
    http://x93.xanga.com/fb9f345473432235619049/w186103266.jpg

July 15, 2013

  • Xanga Winner Chicken Dinner.

    A few weeks ago, @saintvi hosted a grand giveaway to help promote the Xanga crowdhoster. I was lucky enough to win a prize. A number of days pass and I get this package in the mail.

    http://xca.xanga.com/536e077276132285231849/w227641733.jpg
    Thumb up for scale. Mobile re-purposed as a censorship tool.

    http://x01.xanga.com/074f837719330285231850/w227641734.jpg
    The contents inside. I sniffed the shirt and it had a hint of eProps.

    http://x8d.xanga.com/db3f877519330285231851/w227641735.jpg
    The rarest of rare times that I’ll take a mirror shot.

    http://x15.xanga.com/68ef8b7b19333285231852/w227641736.jpg
    I’ll be rocking this shirt everywhere now.

    Thanks again for the shirt, @Saintvi!

July 11, 2013

  • Jewish Mothers and Asians.

    Reposting from my Facebook.

    http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01862/seinfeld_1862186i.jpg

    “Jewish mother stereotype – The stereotype generally involves a nagging, loud, highly-talkative, overprotective, smothering, and overbearing mother or wife, who persists in interfering in her children’s lives long after they have become adults and who is excellent at making her children feel guilty for actions which may have caused her to suffer.” – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jewish_mother_stereotype 

    AKA EVERY OTHER ASIAN MOTHER OUT THERE!

    Mom: “ARE YOU EATING? FINISH YOUR DINNER, WE WORK HARD TO BUY FOOD FOR THE FAMILY!”

    THE NEXT DAY

    Mom: “DID YOU GAIN WEIGHT?”

    What are some things your parents do that annoy you?

July 8, 2013

  • Drunken Gambling

    Me: How was your weekend?
    Coworker: Went to the casinos.
    Me: Which one?
    Coworker: Harrah’s. Had the pool, black jack…
    Me: Hah! That’s where I drunkenly slipped and fell on my head in the bathroom.
    Coworker laughs: That’s where I dropped my phone in the toilet!
    Me: Ah, memories.

    What’s your favorite drunken story?


    Random Photo of the Day

    http://xf9.xanga.com/8f8f212739630252417074/w200493629.jpg
    The perfect holiday card.

July 1, 2013