Interests:The internet, movie-making, digital photography, graphic design, getting the last word, masticating, music, the arts, and various sports involving balls that bounce. Expertise:Dry wit & black humor Occupation:Full-time slacker
Religion is never to be taken lightly. Unless you're me. You become scarred for life after attending church just once and write a humorous piece about it.
When I was a senior in high school, my friend who's Christian (though loosely followed rules), decided to take me along on a trip to his church. "It'd be fun," he said. "You might like it," he said. What I didn't know was it would result in me being on a church retreat. For an entire weekend.
As an agnostic, this did not sit well with me.
Waking up from the long bus ride and arriving at the church retreat.
Those unfamiliar with how churchians and their churchy things go, this is like jumping from preschool math on an Etch-a-Sketch to college level Algebra overnight. I don't remember much because I was probably being exorcized constantly from the Heavens above or deleted these memories from my mind. But what I do recall most was the guest pastor who knelt down, put his arm around my shoulders like I was one of his own, and began to speak in tongue. It would forever be etched in my mind for years.
Soon after seeing the pastor speak in tongue:
They dimmed the lights at the church like it was a romantic evening with God. One teen picked up and started strumming an acoustic, another tapped away on the piano. People began singing and chanting Christian songs. Before I could gather myself, the whole church was swaying back and forth in unison, holding hands, and praising the lord. I felt like Mr. Rogers and Bob Ross were about to pop out from the back and join in.
Soon after, we all spit into small groups. My friend who invited me became separated. It's like a child being ripped away from the arms of a mother. There was no way I wanted to be on my own, but there was no hope. It was so foreign to me. I constantly looked around for my friend (who soon became an ex-friend as soon as the retreat ended), figuring out what to do.
Adding the blasphemous icing on the cake, later on that same night, the pastor asked me to lead a prayer. Great. I had NO idea what to do. I panicked. So I elbowed my friend to go up for me because everyone's eyes were closed. Or I thought they were. They were all Korean, so I couldn't tell under the dimly lit church.
"Chris, would you lead us in this prayer?"
The rest of the night became a blur. Aside from being the only Chinese heathen in a Korean church retreat, I was found huddled and crouched in the corner, whispering to myself, "this will all end soon. I'll be home soon..."
This is why I'm going to Hell. Well, besides the obvious reasons of course.
Do you regularly attend religious services? And do you enjoy going?
There's a moment in every man's life that he will be simply awestruck by utter beauty. The way she dances on screen and leaves you wanting more. You can't eat, sleep, or go a moment without thinking about her. You look at the time and it's already sunrise because you'd rather forgo sleep than spend a waking moment without her in front of you.
Sorry, ladies, but I'm officially taken as of today. And as most relationships affect Xangans, expect a lack of updates due to this new-found relationship.
Dog pulls owner off of train tracks. Lilly the pit bull is being hailed as a hero after pulling her owner out of the path of a freight train.
Let's see a cat do that.
I love dogs. I love the way they taste.
Kidding. Maybe.
Jokes aside, I'm highly allergic to them but I deal with it because they're wonderful companions. Their unrequited love for their owners make them simply awesome. One of the dogs I owned was a boxer/pitbul mutt. Similar to Lilly, my family rescued him from the dog shelter; when he was only a few months old. One of the kindest dogs you'll know. It's unfortunate their breeds gets such a notorious cloud over them.
It's a good thing dogs are chewy, and cats are delicious and tender.
ATTACK OF THE CUTE!
Are you a cat or dog person?
I just checked, and coincidentally, it's been 5 years and 5 days since he passed away. He was also only five.
What was the best prank you've pulled on somebody/been a victim of?
Time for Home Improvement?
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