Interests:The internet, movie-making, digital photography, graphic design, getting the last word, masticating, music, the arts, and various sports involving balls that bounce. Expertise:Dry wit & black humor Occupation:Full-time slacker
If there's one rule in the Manly Brocode of Codiness™ that every guy should follow, it's to never cockblock. Even if you're Dwyane Wade, you don't cockblock me.
This past weekend was spent celebrating a friend's birthday along with mine. It was a marathon of day drinking and eating, starting around noon. The night approached as we found ourselves in a nightclub. We made our way downstairs where these two female promoters came up to me and asked if I wanted free drinks. Who'd ever decline a free drink from strangers? Plus, I love the taste of roofies, especially from the ladies. So I agreed. They handed me a bunch of beers and we parted ways.
More drinks, more dancing (to awkward dubstub music), and more mingling. I spot a duo of girls sitting in the couch a few feet away. Every time I looked over, they would as well. I didn't think much of it, until they both came up to me and began flirting. One of them asked where I was from (she happens to live in a neighboring town), what I was celebrating, and other boring "let's-chat-but-what-I-really-wanna-know-is-if-you're-going-to-bang-me" questions. A few minutes of chatting later, she pulls out her phone; usually, it's a can of pepper spray. In my head, I was thinking "Yes, here's my chance. The door's wide open for you, Chris!"
Yes! Drunk text me! Text me like one of your French girls!
Instead, I feel a tap on my shoulder. It was one of my friends who showed up late to the party. We exchanged words, talked about a few things; each of my sentences getting shorter. My friend didn't get the hint. He kept talking. I could slowly see the girls next to me losing interest and looking at their phones. "Fack!" Before I could end the conversation with my friend, the girls quickly said goodbye and left to get more drinks.
He inadvertently cockblocked me.
I was ready to strangle my friend with my hands and eagle talon feet. But he didn't know, I can't hate him for it. However, his invite to my next birthday event will "mysteriously" get lost in the mail somehow.