June 24, 2008
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Never been to a night club/lounge before? I'll sum it up for you.
In just 20 easy steps!
1) Women: spend 2 hours deciding on 4 different dresses/skirts/pants/panties only to return back to the first outfit.
Men: Throw on a wrinkled dress shirt with faded jeans and dress shoes.2) Pre-game. Which result in half of you getting wasted before you leave at 11pm.
3) Wait on line for 40 minutes. Bouncer asks you to stand near wall.
4) Wait 20 more minutes. Spot group of girls who arrived 5 minutes ago walk to front of line.
5) Finally arrive at door, pay $20 "cover charge", and be raped again with a $5 mandatory coat check.(Insert Sean Paul song playing in background)
6) Shuffle between a mass of sweaty bodies. The stench of spilled cranberry vodka and jaagermeister stings the nostrils.
7) Head to bar and scream, yell, threaten the bartender for attention. You spend 15 minutes and $9 on a Heineken. $13 for a mixed drink. Oh, throw in that $2 tip, chump.(Insert Fatman Scoop - Engine Number 9 playing in background)
8) Eagle-eye your way through the club, sifting for any single girls. No luck. Damn!
9) Repeat steps 5-8 three more times.
10) Strike up forced drunken conversation with stranger near bar.YOU: "ARE YOU HAVING FUN?"
HER: "YAHHH!"
YOU: "CAN I BUY YOU A DRINK?"
HER: "OKAY!"
Bartender punches $45 into computer touchscreen.
YOU: Damn it again!11) Turn around, only to find her grinding up on the ugliest dude in the club.
(Insert Jim Jones - We Fly High (Ballin) playing in background)
12) Decide to actually head to the dance floor. Your "America's Best Dance Crew" impersonation is akin to someone seizuring.
13) Random drunk dial/text to friend(s).
14)
Realize it's 2am, so you head outside. A group of smokers are striking
up drunken conversation between each other, most who have never met
before.
15) Walk to closest pizzeria, deli, or fast-food joint.
Lines of wobbling men and women fresh from a club/bar are packing the
place.
16) Take 3 bites of food
17) Hail cab home.
18) More drunk dialing.
19) Pass out.
20) Wake up next morning wondering where your paycheck went. WHOOPS!
Comments (377)
BALLLINNNN!
I've never done 19
rofl
YAAAY I'm not missin out or anythin
So much for paying the rent.
makes me not want to go now. lol
sounds about right.
lol... that about covers it.
I think you need to come clubbing with me then. lol, you're doing it all wrong!
hahaha -- that's hilarious!
i don't nightclub. just.no.
damn very accurately down to the core -_-, this is why i hate asian parties...at least gets some #s haha or just take the girl u came out with home =P
Huh. I'll be sure to bring my gun.
i think you left out a cautionary note..
for friends/individuals who have zero alcohol tolerance but still want to party; to be prepared for vomit to be all over the carseat or worse, over the shoulders.
I just avoid them in SF. Too many hussies.
lol, getting raped is not fun, I totally agree with you there. =D
My friends make gay bars sound way better.
I hate nightclubs but will occasionally tag along with a group of people. We don't have the kind of clubs where there's waiting and VIP entrances. Small city. When I'm really drunk, I'll eat this thing called a "slinger". It's a biscuit cut in half with nacho cheese, gravy, and tater tots. It's a sober person's nightmare, but a drunkard's heaven.
*shakes head*
awww poor you
noooooo caka-caka-loooooosaa..
youre doing it wrong.
lets change your sex (errr...i mean...outfit, put make up on you and a pair of heels) and then you can come out with the girls and i.
free drinks ALL night long sucka.
no cover charge. no coat fee. naahh--teeng.
jabawockeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez!!
It must suck being a dude and having to buy girls drinks @ the club. But then it makes it easier for you to turn the drink into a roofie colada!!
yay!! instant lay!!
haha, is that how your usual friday/saturday night goes?
hahahahah. You've got it down! hahah
i love clubbing in singapore then
LMAOLMAOLMAO...
so TRUE.. except I skip all the alcohol related points and just eagle eye for hot men & dance my night away.. but that's just me.. lol~*
phew, saves me from spending too much $~ and helps me to save a few friends from being dragged away or raped by strangers...
LOl . . . thanks. now i know what its like. AHAHA.
Down to a T! I'd add that if you are a guy accompanying a hot woman(en) that you'll witness a whiny princess moment somewhere between 1 & 5 and 14 & 20.
ah i miss the nyc club scene.
spot on.
sounds all too familiar
this is why women are lucky.
and this is why women don't go clubbing with guys if they want to get in quickly
hahah i think the story's a little different gor girls...
Hey..that's pretty much the truth about normal (unexciting looking guy) being at the club. Poor them!! I've always feel pity for them waiting in line...hahaha
I've never been, but then again I'm not sure if I'm the clubbing type.
I don't pay, or queue. Thanks to you!
I've never been to one of those types of clubs, too much hassle
we fly... so high you know this.... BALLIN'
Wisdom comes with age. It'll come; just wait.
thanks for saving me some bills and time suze
unhappiness is always the result of our choices
house parties > clubbing
provided they provide music & a dance floor
this is from a guy's point o fview. women just get all the free cover charge (sometimes) and drinks! =)
anyway i almost always try get guestlist when i go out so that lessens the cost...other than that last thing..its still way more fun... lol
oh that sounds about right... except i wouldn't wait an hour to get into a club
Dude...
Your numbers are in this order: 5-6-7-6-8
Were you drunk when you typed this?
You lied! That's 21 steps.
You had 6 .. then 7 .. then went back to 6!
man your clubbing scene is nothing to muse about then! we have a hella more fun than that here!
drunk dial who?
what about the making love in the club part? oh you've never done that? oh.
hahahaha, i actually feel bad for the guys when girls can get in after 5 minutes.
you forgot about watching lesbians and bi-curious making out drunk!
unless you were at the wrong club.
Night cluberwocky
Hast thou nailed the drunken chick?
Send me a text my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!
He chortled in his joy.
I never had to wait in line to get in to any clubs way back when.
I had fun just mingling with anyone and everyone,
depending on how crazy upbeat the techno tunes go.
Seriously, I ENJOY DANCING given the chance. I just zone out
and just let the beat take me there.
I was once a "Techno Junkie" can't deny that.
Rinse, repeat.
you wrote 6 twice, lol. = P
NYC club scene.....years pass and ABSOLUTELY NOTHING CHANGES (cept the drink prices). Women perpetuate this system to wear guys down so that eventually they'll propose. The fastest I ever got in was on the day of a 1pm rugby match; after which about 6 of us drank all day, never changed, went to a club in jerseys/shorts and got brought to the front of the line, in the door, no cover. I don't think that'd work today, tho.
@Ohs0y - "what about the making love in the club part?" hey buddy, we've been there & you know better. Ain't no club love, just sex.
it's even sadder when poor people go clubbing. -_-
i have a feeling i've read this before chris
so you think you can dance now?
I haven't been out clubbin' in forever. I think last time I went, I lived in Vegas, when I lived a different life.
Glad to know the "rules" haven't changed too much.
and when the light turns on... you realize that it's a crappy club and most of the ppl are fugly. yay for atmosphere, alcohol and appropriate lighting
omg thanks for reminding me why i QUIT partying haha. altho im proud to say i never spent more than 20$ besides the ticket to go in.
We stay fly, no lie, you know this...
BALLIN!
que es el pointe
just burn the money or wipe it with doo doo
Tsk tsk.
21) Oh, haiiii, boss!
25 dollars for club/lounging what the f. thats like a steak dinner. that's one big fat paycheck you must be gettin. ballinnn
L O L at number 4
did you watch 'knocked up'
pass.
sucks to be a guy going out then.. hihi
i always have a blast! what cover charge? ladies drink free 
haha that sound about right.
WOW, #18 sounds AWFULLY fucking familiar, chris.
passing out is wonderful. but only after getting home. not outside. ever.
wow, u got it spot on. especially the paycheck part.
i used to go clubbing the day i got paid only to find out the next day that i was raped of 3/4 of it. insane. i keep wondering where all money went, maybe i drop it on the dancefloor cos i remember i once picked up a 50 dollar note on the dancefloor and i shouted everyone drinks. everyone was understandbly puzzled at my spontaneous show of generosity.
Ah the good ol' days
clubbing in NYC sounds like county fair auctions for livestock....
Glad I don't live and club in NY!
that is why clubs are a waste of time, money, and energy. and drinks and cover on the eastcoast are exxxpensive!
Yup, this sounds about right. Bad news.
yea this sounds about right...btw...su wants to submit her booty pic...is that legal?
the best clubbing i had been so far is in thailand =)
insightful ...
LOL dont forget the ruskis, guidos, techno, and GAY clubbing!
Lol clubbing in Chicago is broke
WE FLY HIGH! NO LIE! YOU KNOW IT! BALLIN'!
ok so i dropped my 4th skirt mid-fitting and decided to stay home after reading this.
*home after* reading this.
sounds like fun
well now I know what to expect.
Oh wait, I'm a girl.
I don't nearly have to waste as much money.
thanks for the heads up ;]
women still wear panties?
this is why i love clubbing so much!
...
So my assumptions about American clubs were right. I think the ones in Europe and Asia would tend to be more fulfilling.
Seems pretty accurate to me!
Oh soooo true!
moral of the summarization? open up a club, stay at home, and count your monnies
well i'm not sure if anyone points this out to you, but shouldn't number 9 read "repeat steps 6-8 three more times"? do you really leave the club and repay to go back in? LOL!
you need to ask your girl friends (or girlfriends) about their experiences in the club.
your blog was a BIG hit with my friends, of course i gave u credit for posting it, hehe.
Sad, but true.
LOL!!! YOU"RE TOOO FUNNY!
There are certain night clubs where they have some kind of "gentleman's night" where they give generic viagra for free instead of beer. Great place to visit!
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