August 9, 2009
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The New Guy.
Having fun at work.We have a new guy coming on board our team Monday. That poor guy doesn't know what he's in for and the mess he walked into. My manager has also appointed me the duties of welcoming the new coworker and showing him around. What a huge mistake.
Things I will tell the new hire:
- Our department consists of ex-convicts and chronic drug abusers.
- 40 hour work weeks are only granted on good behavior.
- We have lunch breaks every other day.
- Every Friday is Guido fist pump friday. You do a fist pump every hour on the hour on those days.
- As soon as you're logged into your PC, you must start working. Once your PC detects more than 4 seconds of inactivity, your seat will emit an electric shock.
- You bring in your own water and coffee.
- You can purchase stationary and other office supplies from our receptionist. You can have it deducted directly from your paycheck.
- When you receive your paycheck, you must obtain it by scaling a 10 foot brick wall in the back alley.
- We don't celebrate birthdays. We frown upon them for making everyone else feel unspecial.
- You must raise your hand every time you want to use the restroom.What else should I tell the new coworker?
Degrading Asian Photo of the Day
Comments (62)
They won't know what's coming to him/her.
bad girl.
the poor coworker...
Haha gotta love noobs.
awww way to welcome them. they will fit right in.
that picture is even sadder than you messing with the new guy.
Must share all snacks he/she brings.
Mandatory cavity searches are conducted first thing every Monday?
How about, they would only speak when spoken to, and when they do, they must look down at their feet as a sign of respect.
Jokes. Poor new guy!!
OH, drug checks are also mandatory. And all personal items must be confiscated when entering the office. HAHA
haha you're so mean to the new coworker~~ is he or she nice?
the hand raising is a nice touch! very elementary.
tell him... the mens restroom is fully occupied throughout most of the day. the ladies room is a safe bet.
tell him he can never look anyone directly in the eye
the new guy must bring good food, hot chicks, alcohol for the others to be amused with. and he must do all the work while you party.
o_o what if he reads this..
Tell him to never tell others that he's giving away free things
OMG THAT PICTURE mad me cry on the inside
And chuckle a little on the outside... 
in a omg-what-an-evil-girl way not a sucker-old-lady way. Poor old lady :[ [gives her a hug]
you should give him a computer with windows ME
You're so nice.
Hahaha. A much needed something-to-laugh-about.
Damn. That little girl needs a slap to the face.
and this is why A. we love you or B. none of us will ever meet in person?
PS: i think you should do a Boy/girl challenge on your prof pic
w00t, you're crazy. =]
Be nice to the noob!
surprise surprise the new worker is me... not
LOL that lil girl is gangster
Hah! I think some companies probably have half those things in the works as we speak.
do it up "the office" style & go with the stapler in the jello mold
wtf that girl is sooo messed up ): it's an old lady!!! i've been to vietnam before and there's plenty of people like that but you don't go around flipping them off. && poor old lady looks so clueless to what's happening. good thing there's karma >:)
that last pic makes me sad
You should let him know that on casual Fridays everyone has to wear something pink and polka dotted. Let the laughter ensue.
Damn... that little girl is cold-blooded.
little girl is gonna grow up to be such a g
tell him that for the first 2 weeks on the job, everyone gets to sit on his lap and fart on him
That picture doesn't look real.
But man...if it is, that's one lil girl that's going to have bad karma.
tell him he needs to buy beer for the rest of your dept for 4 weekends
I'd pay to be a fly on your office wall tomorrow. LOL
im surprised you didn't mention they should bow to you whenever they are 10 feet from you .. hahaha
international fuck off signal...
that you like boys
I hope you get pwned by the new guy.
tehehe
@visualfusion -
Ha, that would be a nice touch.
Poor guy/girl. Be sure to tell them you're joking at the end, after they've wet themselves.
HAHAHAHA
- We don't celebrate birthdays. We frown upon them for making everyone else feel unspecial.
- You must raise your hand every time you want to use the restroom.
_esther
That photo is hilarious!! :p
I sincerely hope that photo was photoshopped. xD
Hey Chris, here's a GREAT "Degrading Asian Photo of the Day"~~
http://aphrodite.perfectlytimedphotos.com/content/7272/resized/1238729262317.jpg?1248764480
Caption: Make your sex face, quick!
source :http://perfectlytimedphotos.com/perfectly-timed-photo/7272-make-your-sex-face-quick
ah maybe the old lady said something to the girl that made the girl do the finger at her? who knows lol
i used to work with a druggie.. they were a bitch! come into work stoned every single day and no one really knew about it except for me ughhh
That's crazy bad photoshop!!
You should tell him something about sneezing, that it grosses your Jewish coworker out so you all have to go into the restroom or outside to sneeze.
How kind of you.
Nice site. Mean blog. Great balance.
WTF?!
Give him a pc with 128mb memory and windows. oh and a keyboard with lots of food crumbs on it.
There are no sick days for at least 8 years.
bad cute girl!!!!!!!!
@idrinkvitasoy - lol
that girl will be a xangan someday.
/patpat to the new guy.
must treat jewish coworker like goddess
haha.. it'll be so funny if u really did those.
How about telling him not to speak to the co-worker cos she's a stalker.. or just get the newbie to be friends with here and just see what happens after that..
*friends with her (typo)
Supplies are kept in the basement and the trapdoor to the basement is under the receptionist's desk. Just crawl under there. She doesn't mind.
you're only allowed to be sick from work if you have a hot replacement for the day.
That girl is gonna grow up to be a pimp! tsk tsk shame on her!
I agree with you Steve. Sadly it seems to be a game anymore about the best asrnews to the questions. Both ways it seems wrong I mean what happened to just getting to the know each other and seeing if there truly is a fit for the job not a fit for the right asrnews. It is hard for those of us who just want to be honest and answer honestly rather than having to worry if we are giving the right asrnews. I think interviewing should be less about scoring high on the right asrnews. There has to be a better way for both to fit together and also employers need to find ways to read between the lines not relying solely on an answer but look at what a person has done and accomplished are they ambitious do they continually strive to learn do they volunteer and so what if the answer is not up to par is the action of the person speaking louder than their words. Being on the other end an employee looking for work I have been frustrated with long list of nonsense questions one of many I had recently was when I look in the mirror what do I see (huh what does that have to do as to can I type or file. Or what has been one of my most toughest decisions personal or professional I have ever had to make, on and on none of these questions I feel really show or say how I can do the job) I think we have gone too far and it is the best talker wins not the best worker. There is too much at stake for both players and as long as the best talker wins we all lose.
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