May 26, 2010
-
Acceptable Male Behavior.
Real men should act like men.
MAN LAW!The International Council of Laws Governing Acceptable Male Behavior has spoken. Take heed:
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry only under the following circumstances: (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master. (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse. (c) After wrecking his boss's Porsche. (d) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.
4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever -- unless you actually marry her.
5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However, complaints about the temperature are acceptable.
6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional (that's what Facebook is for), and may only be done so at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
7: On road trips, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
8: When stumbling upon other guy watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
9: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), then she's officially your girlfriend.
10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're tanning on a tropical beach...and it's delivered by a topless waitress and is free.
11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
12: Never fight naked. Unless it's with a woman and is physical.
13: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem; you didn't see anything.
15: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports-watchers.
16: A man in the company of a hot and suggestively-dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza--but not both, that's just plain greedy.
21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
22: It is the morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend' have had carnal, drunken monkey sex. The fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
24: Thou shalt never buy a car in the color of brown, pink, lime green, orange, sky blue or purple.
25: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox360. End of story.
26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's gymnastics. Ever.
27: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
'GUTS' is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say,'are you still cleaning or are you about to fly somewhere?'
'BALLS' is coming home late smelling of perfume and beer, with lipstick on your collar, and then slapping your wife squarely on the ass and saying, 'You're next fatty!'
I hope that we have been able to shed some light on these issues, and that they are clear to you now.
Comments (118)
Who needs more?
more pls.
<3 #25
I enjoyed this. The first dozen times.
LMAO!!! Ah, damn. Thanks for that. HILARIOUS!!!
#27 made me spit out my soda. Freaking hilarious!
hahaha
loved it!
Hahaha... you're next, fatty!
LOL. hilarious.
it's not gay unless the balls touch
Bahahahahahaha I like it
Gimme morrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
XD
hahahaha.... hilarious...
how would I live without your wise insights??!
Number 25 is definitely my favorite.
lolololol. I know so many guys that subconsciously follow this code of behavios.
Oh my gosh. I had to read those to a friend and her husband over the phone.
The Xbox360 one is toooo funny!
This was amusing.
I like #25. Now I know how to get an XBOX!
I shall now proceed to intentionally go out of my way to break each and every one of these rules.
This is lazy.
lol that's ballsy !!
common sense...anybody that doesnt know this should fuckin kick themselves in the balls
Man, I wish women had cool rules...
Also...
"25: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox360. End of story."
Sweeeeeeeettt!!
So many rules!
i love it...agree with all...you're next fatty!
27. hah.
That last one definetly takes some balls, and deep pockets. That could be very expensive!
=D very awesome. more please!
tldr
This was the best...
post ever.
Damn...so true.
#21 is not that difficult to keep, is it XD
where are #18 - #20??
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<3 #25.
...Chris, do you love me?
If you truly think this is how men should act, then good luck finding a decent woman who appreciates and loves herself. The only way anyone would want someone like that is if they were self-conscious and didn't think they deserved better. Believe me women, you deserve better, and there are actually gentlemen out there that exist!
23 rules, 24 only applies if it is a color not from the 70's.
fuckin hilarious.
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oh shit. numba 27!
hahahaha
the balls of that guy in 27 will get ripped by a chainsaw. i could see the future.
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lmao that's great
hahahahaha having a man with GUTS is far better than one with balls anyday
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HAHAHAHAHAA!!!
Gentlemen, good day!
"13: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed."
Excellent. I second this.
One word: wow.
Hilarity.
These are hilarious. I'll suggest a 28. Guys do not wave to each other. Raising one's head 15 degrees while looking at the other guy shall suffice as acknowledgement.
@shatterFocus -
YOU COULDN'T!
@babixling -
You get an Atari.
@shaded_heart11892 -
You must be new to my site.
"9: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), then she's officially your girlfriend."
LOL... Amen.
you just brighten up my monday!!!!
These are super funny.
hahaha
Hahaha hilarious
Awesome.
More!
Win! Damn funny
Hahahaha, I like this!
You forgot one; The only time it's acceptable to slap another man in the ass is if you say "good game" afterward.
21 <3 lol.
LOLOLOL
I wish I have balls to say that!
I loooovvve sports!!
The Definitive List of 27+Guts & Balls Guide for Men Who Aren't
Awesome.
If you have those kind of balls, you're not going to have them for very long. hehe
Alright, now you have overstepped your bounds and I must crucify you like Jesus because you are both full of shit. No hard feelings, unless it is my long hard rod of deepest disgust.
"4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever -- unless you actually marry her."
How are you supposed to know if you decide to go after a friends sister whether or not you will marry her? I have heard this many times, but it is absolutely nonsensical. "If I take this chick out on a date, I must marry her". Grow some fucking common sense.
"8: When stumbling upon other guy watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing."
I will do whatever the fuck I want.
"10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're tanning on a tropical beach...and it's delivered by a topless waitress and is free."
And drink whatever the fuck I want.
All of these piss me off. The very idea of making such a list pisses me off. Defining real men submits men to a figurative "man box" in which he is suppose to act like a sausage without any type of feelings or fluid intelligence.
most acceptable list.
Really funny!! Well done man.
I propose an amendment to rule 26.
"There is no reason for guys to watch MEN's Ice Skating or Men's gymnastics. Ever."
Prime reason: Kim Yu-Na
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"your next fatty" true class.
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