January 5, 2011
-
Memoirs of an Asian Mother.
I play doctor now!
You sick? GO BECOME DOCTOR!Hallo eberbody! Last time, I drive and nobody get hurt. This time? EBERYBODY GET A HURT AND COMPRAIN! So that why I pray doctor. You risten to me, you get healthy and A+ in math!
Recentry, I am make back from trip to China. And I am have good news, I am doctor now! Vely easy to become doctol there, you pay man for paper and you become one. SO, NO MOLE COOKIE KWAN! YOU CALL ME DR. KWAN!
With this infolmation, it help clarify why I'm so thin, regardress of what I eat (like cat) or drink (or dog). You can be too! Forrow the berow supel simpre steps for rong rongevity.
Dr. Kwan Health AdviceQ: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart onry good for so many beat, and that it. SO DON'T WASTE ON EXERCISE! Evelything wear out eventuarry like your made in China Nike. Speed up heart not make live longer; that like say you can extend life of car by drive faster. Want live longer? Take nap!
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You stupid? You go college? You rack smartness. You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. What are these? Veggie-tabres. So, steak nothing more than efficient mechanism of derivering veggie-tabres to system. Need grain? Eat chicken! Beef also good source of field grass (gleen reafy vegetable). And oink-oink polk chop can give 100% lecommended dairy arrowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No! Wine made flom fluit. Beer arso made out of grain. Gan bei! That mean "Cheers!" in Chinese. Now you can impless that Chinese girl in Biology class, you White devil, you!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: You fail math? You definitery not Chinese if you did! If you have body and you have fat, ratio is one to one. If you have two body, ratio is two to one, etc. SO STUPID, MAO TURN OVER IN GRAVE!
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: I not think of singre one. I solly. Dr. Kwan philosophy: No pain...is good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetabre oil. How getting more vegetabres be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitery not! When you excelise muscle, it get bigger. You should only do sit-up if want biggel stomach.
YOU HAVE HEARTH QUESTION FOL ME? YOU ASK BEROW NOW! I ANSWER IN MY NEXT BROG!-Dr. Kwan
Comments (39)
GODDDDDDDDDD! MOM, I DON'T WANT ANYMORE SOUP!
This. Is kinda hilarious.
@Finity -
thanks!
That made my morning! Thank you, Mister.(I live on the other side of the world. It's 7 24a.m.)
@suicidalspirit -
forget coffee, you've my blog!
Hmm, those seem like sound, valid answers. I won't go fact check because I have such confidence in your assessment.
What are your thoughts on soda?
I'm about to vomit. Can I regurgitate it?
Dr. Kwan, what if nobody comments on your blog??? (cough cough- chris- cough cough)
LOL at the answers.
"Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: You fail math? You definitery not Chinese if you did! If you have body and you have fat, ratio is one to one. If you have two body, ratio is two to one, etc. SO STUPID, MAO TURN OVER IN GRAVE!"
this one was hilariousss.
"No pain... is good."
Sounds like solid logic to me!
@shatterFocus -
YOU GET OUT NOW!
@kpxls1 -
why sank you!
@ladygloom -
isn't it? Dr. Kwan so smart!
this blog makes me question why i even go to school
ahaha jk
"SO STUPID, MAO TURN OVER IN GRAVE!"
Hahahaha I'm going to say this to myself next time I do something dumb. Which won't be long. In 3...2...1...
@banZaii_itZ_keIk0o -
school is overrated!
@Lynn1013 -
:X
Dr. Kwan is now my hero. Haha.
And I'm ROFL @ the word "biggel." Win.
HAHHAHAH GG
Haha, nice stereotypes. =)
I have a question for you... This morning there was a piece on The Today Show that said babies can be considered obese!!! Babies as young as nine months, to be clear. What are your thoughts on this, Dr. Kwan?
No pain is good? Clearly Dr. Kwan is no masochist.
any thoughts on treating acne?
can't wait to see the answer.
this made my day.
rofl. I definitely tried reading this out loud.
Gan bei is used in Korea too.
Dear Cakalusa, I feel like this post just made me fall secretly in love with you. I feel like this is the best one yet XD Lol it was great because in my mind I heard an Asian woman saying this...ah <3
lol, the misspelling throws me off. but i got enough of it to laugh.
@CaKaLusa -
/restrains making hilarious but totally inappropriate comment about chris' mother......
hilarious. love ur txt msg exchanges with ur mom too.
OMG I AM DYING RIGHT NOW. CANNOT BREATHE.
& wtf is going on with the comments? what nonsense is this? Either you're pranking or someone is playing a joke on you lmao
@SpAnKyLiCiOuS -
xangay being gay
LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLi lOOOVVEEEEEEEEEEEEE azn mommy~~~~~ HAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAH too many funny things I was reading this late last night~ hhehehe hilare hilare!
"SO STUPID, MAO TURN OVER IN GRAVE" HAHAHHAHAHA
I got this in a Forward once
love it when you talk in asian
will masturbation make me go blind?
Hey Dr. Kwan, What is the most unhealthy Asian cuisine?
funniest thing I've seen all day, possibly week. I love my asian friends parents.
omg this had me dying. haha so funny. sounds like my g ma
@Xbeautifully_broken_downX -
my hero too!
@aznboy4p -
indeed!
@oOo_itsJuJu -
@lyratjoe -
find out your answer in today's post!
@passionblame -
me too.
@shatterFocus -
you stay outta this!
@x3style -
ah, sank you.
@Nevermore_Nightmare -
@mycontinuity -
/the more you know
@HeLLo_Bianca -
how's that turn out? terrible?
@nov_way -
right? pssh
@luvs_u -
indeed! thanks!
@AnchorsAwayx -
i speak it very good.
@adrenalinexxx -
@Calamaki -
find out in today's post!
@shika_m1 -
ditto!
@PrincessIsDope -
or any asian's gma!
yeah I didn't sound too attractive.
Comments are closed.