March 19, 2011

• America's Original Gangsters.

  I've had some weird theories posted in the past, but this latest one takes the cake. Take it as you will, but these points will have you wondering much like I have the past hour. So what is it? The Girl Scouts of America.

  Where else can you find a group of well-dressed ladies, performing duties for a common goal, going around selling delectable, and addicting over-priced goods (cookies) that cost them pennies? And when you're finally addicted and want more, your only source to get those peanut butter cookies or mint chippies are through them! Then, when a rival "gang" of girls impede upon their enemies sales territory, competitions take place. Whether it be stitching/knitting (your bloody wounds at that!), or creating fires with two sticks (impossible I tell you. Must be a gang trick), things get nasty--and trust me, girls fight dirtier than guys.

  
  Marijuana, Ecstacy, Co...I mean, cookies.

  Now, you've read it. Believe what you want. I know these girls are up to no good. Don't let your guard down, they'll get you in a deathgrip, slam you on the ground, stab you in the back with their Jr. Pocketknife and leave you surrounded with a chalk-drawing. Now that you've read some of my theories, what about yours? Have any that you've been yearning to share with us?

  • 12:07 pm
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