November 15, 2011

• The Unprettiest Grudge.

  You may have read the stories between @roadlesstaken and @timmmmmmy. I wasn't there for that incident, but here is a story that can help you form your opinion of what took place between those two.

  It was the start of our freshman year in high school. It began that chapter in life many create long-lasting memories from. Familiar faces from yesteryear would gather around lockers and form cliques almost instantly. It wasn't so much a voluntary choice, but rather a necessity to survive during high school, at least socially.

  For several years, I knew of a reserved student named Timmy. He struggled with poor self-esteem, depression, anxiety, panic attacks. It took him many years and countless hours to come to grips that his personal battles were directly tied to being a survivor of bullying. Bullied by a once childhood friend named Alex Chan.

  Everyone knew Alex Chan. Star tennis player, voted best-dressed in 4th grade, winner of three science fairs in a row. But that was the sugar-coating. That's what teachers and parents knew. Not Alex's peers, though. Deep within that hard candy shell contained a toxic persona that would rival Scumbag Steve.

  You see, I once was one of his victims.

  It was mid-March, 2001, as I glanced at the clock and prepared myself for another journey through panic, fear and anxiety. I worked really hard, as I did every day, to look positive until we got through lunch. My forced smile helped me get through the day, in my mind for the most part.

  "Give me your milk, punk!" Alex demanded. Fresh from the gym, or just beat up another helpless student? I could never differentiate. He exerted the same physical prowess on defenseless kids as he did with the dodgeball during gym. And like dodgeball, he didn't care for your face. You were nothing to him.

  I don't know what got over me that exact moment he demanded my milk, but I really shouldn't have listened to what the G.I. Joe told me to do, which was stand up for myself. "Since when do cartoons ever lie?" I thought.

  "No," I murmured.

  "What!" Alex raised another octave.

  I grew a few more nonexistent balls. "No!"

  Before I could react, Alex knocks the milk onto the floor like a game of slaphand. It was silent for a few seconds. I could feel his eyes burning through me, whereas I immediately avoid eye contact. I stood, slowly, as my ears still captured soft laughter from the kids behind me. I felt numb, not from the frigid environment but from the internal humiliation. I knew that I had been bullied and I also knew there was nothing I could do about it.

  This is the Alex Chan I know.

  That's the Alex Chan you never knew.

  Alex Chan.

  
  Confrontational.

  
  Abusive.

  
  Conniving (look at all that lunch money).

  
  Most of all, physical with poor, defenseless women.

  • 10:11 pm
  • 63 Comments