February 22, 2012
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The Life of A Janitor.
Like pants and socks, we take hard-working janitors for granted and never appreciate them until we don't have them readily available. Early this afternoon, I felt the bowels trembling, so I made a beeline straight to the men's room. I choose my usual stall #2 of 6 and wrap the toilet seat like a Christmas present. Plop myself down and whip out the smartphone.
Ten minutes and a few Facebook stalkings later, the Hispanic janitor--who's worked here for over a year, sharing a few back and forth hellos--came in and started cleaning the restroom, pretending I wasn't in my stall. Like so many dissatisfied women in my life, I hate performing under pressure, so I finished my business and flushed the toilet, except this time--out of all the times--it didn't flush.
My face went from pleasantly relieved to:
I clogged the toilet. With the janitor still here. Can you say awkward much? Sure, this would be immediately Tweeted and posted on Facebook about my recent achievement. Normally I'd ditch the scene like O.J. and say "peaaaaace!" while clenching my nose. But no, not this time. This time I was stuck, staring at the clogged toilet, back at the janitor, and back at the toilet again in disbelief. I contemplated simply playing it cool and then sprinting out the door as soon as the janitor wasn't looking. But that would mean I'd have to avoid him every day from that point forward. I calculated it in my head and figured my bowel movements are far too frequent to put up with that.
My face, if I had successfully escaped the restroom without anybody knowing the Danger Zone I created.Like a grown up (unlike most other occasions), I slowly turned the lock and opened the door, preparing myself to be walloped across the face with a mop. To my left was 'Amigo'. I've no name for him, other than what TV dictates.
"Amigo!" I say, with a brighter grin than usual. "Hey, do you, uh, have a plunger?"
He looks at me confused.
I say it a little louder, as if it will help him understand. "El plunger!" I reinforce the idea with a hand gesture like I'm giving an imaginary two-fisted handjob.
He looks at me still confused. I motion my hand to the toilet and open the stall door. His face immediately looked like he was prepared to go into battle and already wished his family and children goodbye. "Oh, okay," Amigo murmured. He acknowledged the A-bomb I unleashed on the toilet and let me it would be taken care of. As if his life wasn't difficult enough, I came along and toss more salt onto the wound.
In my mind, he's telling his only child, "Tell mama I love jer" or "Ay dios mio! Tu me tienes loca. Deja me ya." which roughly translate to: "Mama, this Chino le bombed the bano. Tell Papa I'll see him soon in heaven." Did I mention I passed Spanish with flying colors?
El Janitor prepares to battle the toilet zombies. Yes, undead pieces of turd.I washed my hands, thanked him for his understanding, and ran the hell out of there like cops on minorities. We'll never know if Amigo survived the disaster I left in stall #2. In face, this afternoon, we may have lost one of the finest janitors this side of Long Island. But there's no other mopper, sanitizer, toilet plunging janitor I'd entrust for this job.
Thank you, Amigo! You deserve employee of the month for this.
Comments (515)
Flushing Meadows.
it all goes to staten island!
Ok, I'll be first. Sounds like you had a shitty day at work.
http://x09.xanga.com/005f9a6526730280653090/w223574908.jpg
@CaKaLusa - @fLiPgUy31O - you two have figured out the solution to the illegal immigrant problem.
Aish. Poor janitor.
Lmao, oh rahnn!
Janitors make everyday life possible.
I just wish the people using the female toilets on my floor would flush the damn toilets more often.
I hope you give him gift card / coupons for a restaurant, movie or something.
Hey, at least you didn't crap all over the bathroom like Tucker Max did. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLD55ogkwks
The Chinese people I work for call all Hispanic people "amigos" lol. It's caught on and even I do that now too. I have trouble preforming under pressure too!
The trick is for every drop you push a flush. Even prison cell mates do that.
Now you know why I stopped being a plumber. Some jobs are too sh-tty.
OMG! I'm trying to read this at my desk without laughing! I had to stop and start over several times.
lol... too funny.
the under-appreciated =[
but NICE SPANISH LLO (see what i did?)
you would make a blog about going to the bathroom.
this is why every time I see a toilet, I think of you! LOL!!
you sir are a sticky amigo!
Your story just reminded me of a commercial I saw on TV today. It starts off with the song...Nah..nah..nah. Nah,..nah..nah. Hey..hey.. good bye. And then shows these different people successfully flushing their toilets. While they look down, looking at their waste flush with the song ringing in the background. Its all about having a successful and good toilet bowl and maybe that was the problem in your case. Not so much what you dumped into it, but how crappy the bowl worked.
Oh man. Poor guy.
@cbr600 - where all the trash belongs!
@coolmonkey - KEEP THE PUNS COMING!
@fLiPgUy31O - LOL! I forgot about that story. ahah
@mr_jin_tonic - Arriba!
@bittersweetromantic - Or LUCKY!
@lovejennyy - Lemme come over and use yo bathroom!
@wallflower_12 - NEED MORE!
@mkazama - I heard horror stories in women's restrooms.
@ElusiveWords - Maybe!
@Roadlesstaken - ALL OVER THE WALLS!
@HeLLo_Bianca - unda pressha
@PPhilip - Now I know!
@temporarilyinnocent - Mission successful!
@aJoLLyDork - For youuu!
@Victoriamisu - HELLO!
@Ladiiee - I'M ALL OVA THE PLACE!
@adrenalinexxx - or STINKY amigo!
@catstemplar2 - haha. I wanna see this!
@yakko1 - or LUCKY!
you seem to clog many toilets, sir.
Hilarious! I loved the Spanish. (:
#2/6 errrytime? Would that b a laayl oh cee dee?
too many burritos?
You sir must be rewarded for such deeds! It is not easy to be a janitor and we all know its not the kind of job we want but our offices would be dirtier without them.
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