May 16, 2012
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Why I Don't Go To Church.
Church, you say?
Religion is never to be taken lightly. Unless you're me. You become scarred for life after attending church just once and write a humorous piece about it.
When I was a senior in high school, my friend who's Christian (though loosely followed rules), decided to take me along on a trip to his church. "It'd be fun," he said. "You might like it," he said. What I didn't know was it would result in me being on a church retreat. For an entire weekend.
As an agnostic, this did not sit well with me.
Waking up from the long bus ride and arriving at the church retreat.Those unfamiliar with how churchians and their churchy things go, this is like jumping from preschool math on an Etch-a-Sketch to college level Algebra overnight. I don't remember much because I was probably being exorcized constantly from the Heavens above or deleted these memories from my mind. But what I do recall most was the guest pastor who knelt down, put his arm around my shoulders like I was one of his own, and began to speak in tongue. It would forever be etched in my mind for years.
Soon after seeing the pastor speak in tongue:
They dimmed the lights at the church like it was a romantic evening with God. One teen picked up and started strumming an acoustic, another tapped away on the piano. People began singing and chanting Christian songs. Before I could gather myself, the whole church was swaying back and forth in unison, holding hands, and praising the lord. I felt like Mr. Rogers and Bob Ross were about to pop out from the back and join in.
Soon after, we all spit into small groups. My friend who invited me became separated. It's like a child being ripped away from the arms of a mother. There was no way I wanted to be on my own, but there was no hope. It was so foreign to me. I constantly looked around for my friend (who soon became an ex-friend as soon as the retreat ended), figuring out what to do.
Adding the blasphemous icing on the cake, later on that same night, the pastor asked me to lead a prayer. Great. I had NO idea what to do. I panicked. So I elbowed my friend to go up for me because everyone's eyes were closed. Or I thought they were. They were all Korean, so I couldn't tell under the dimly lit church.
"Chris, would you lead us in this prayer?"The rest of the night became a blur. Aside from being the only Chinese heathen in a Korean church retreat, I was found huddled and crouched in the corner, whispering to myself, "this will all end soon. I'll be home soon..."
This is why I'm going to Hell. Well, besides the obvious reasons of course.
Do you regularly attend religious services? And do you enjoy going?
Since I'll be going to Hell for writing this, I better stock up on some thermostats. I think I'll pick one of these Luxpro thermostats on my trip down there.
Comments (81)
But they have good bread and wine!
Religion would only complicate my life even more so I stay away.
[So I elbowed my friend to go up for me because everyone's eyes was closed. Or I think they were. They were all Korean, so I couldn't tell.] LOLLLL!!
I used to attend a Unitarian Universalist church. It's quite possibly the most open-minded and undefined "church" there is. They had a Pagan group, an atheist group, Buddhist meditation sessions...in short, a "free for all" religion. I met a lot of cool and interesting people, and a few assholes (it's the other way around in Christian churches, if I'm lucky.) Still, after a couple of years of that, I got tired of it. Even though it was very non-preachy, the "churchy" elements (everyone standing up and sitting down on queue during service, the singing, etc.), turned me off eventually. *shrug* I'm just not comfortable in those settings. I feel like a sheep in a herd. NO bueno.
Yes, I love going to church although I've been to some churches that I wouldn't regularly attend. There can be a lot of differences in the ways different churches run their services. I can totally understand how you being a non Christian and going to this retreat must have felt incredibly uncomfortable, especially hearing tongues and being asked to go up and lead a prayer.
I love the pics!
I feel your pain. I went to a pentecostal service once and people were dropping all around me, flopping around like fish. I thought there was some holy sniper in the mezzanine. Apparently they were anointed with the holy spirit. I thought it was some sort of medical emergency.
I hate churches. They feel so unwelcoming. It might just be because in Britain, every church I come across was built in the 1500s or something, but they're all dank and dingy.
Aw, this story. Don't let one bad apple spoil the bunch? :X
Yes, I attend religiously [cough]. Albeit I dislike the label. Wouldn't go unless I enjoyed it & I decidedly do NOT enjoy every church I go to, if I'm being real. I can definitely empathize as far as being traumatized from an uncomfortable experience such as this, though; it also sounded like your friend really deserted you [unintentionally, yet inexcusably].
Sorry for the bitter lasting impression...time to override it with a new one? Come with me and I'll make a convert outta you yet, DD! ;P [half-] jk
It's all just scary wierdness to me.
I think I've been maybe 3 times, and it was only to check out girls. All 3 times I've fallen asleep. If that's how church always is, I'd rather sleep in my bed than a wooden pew.
I attended a fundamentalist Christian school from K to 12th grade; they were Baptist and I was raised Lutheran. Suffice to say I have been neck deep in religion since I was born. XD After spending SO much time in the church, I got to see the good, the bad, and the ugly. Unfortunately, most of it was the latter two. My own church has pretty much shunned new visitors and expects the current congregation to keep it barely running (we're talking, they quit ordering Sunday school material to pay the water bill kind of thing). The school/church I attended was pretty much like a cult...wear this, wear that, act this way, believe this, don't question me, etc.
I have visited other churches too, but I'm quite Libertarian politically speaking, and I live in the BIBLE BELT...so finding a church that aligns with what I believe is quite difficult.
To be quite frank, I am disenchanted with the church entirely. I haven't been in 4 years...not for Christmas, not for Easter, not for anything. People around here are really surprised when I tell them that, because they know it (going to church) used to be EXTREMELY important to me. /shrug
But yeah. I totally know EXACTLY what you're talking about with your church camp experience. The school I went to required that we attend a church camp in the fall, and it consisted of a multitude of church services. We would spend 3 days up there and 3/4 of the time would be in chapel...and the hypocrites I went to school with would randomly standing up during service, or break down and cry...acting repentant....
And then those same people would go to the back of the lake and have lots of teenage sex.
OH CHURCH CAMP.
Hell is a religious invention in the first place. Hope they end up were their fears take them.
Your church experience is unique to Koreans. Good job.
Pretty much my experience at a Chinese youth group during Senior year. My only mistake was that I kept going back was for this kid I liked who was in it.
~~~~~~ same, don't like church or religion. Was Tommy the friend who took you to the retreat? Lol
Go 4 the chicks!
I was in the exact same position when my now-ex first encouraged me to go. I'd at least gone to a few services before so people knew who I was. Problem was though, then-friend-now-ex couldn't go because of an exam. She left me high and dry, only Chinese in a sea of "devout" Koreans. I should've seen it then but I guess I had to really live though it to know. Never going back.
Off topic.. maing that poached eggs and bacon wjatcumacallit cupcakes amd its looking more and more retarded each passing minute... Fcuking bacon
Ah, you see Catholics don't do all that scary fun stuff. If and when I do go, I aim for the early Sunday morning mass with the olds. Bit of sitting, standing, kneeling, shaking hands, giving my family some hugs, walking, eating a stale cracker, mumbling a few words, talking with God... It's relatively short and always accompanies a trip to my childhood diner for brunch. Mass+brunch... all over before 10:30am
Once it stopped being about snacks and crafts, I lost interest. (kidding)
I went to a born again church once and they deliberately separated my friend and I so that we could speak one on one with one of the members of the congregations. I had a nice conversation, but couldn't grasp the speaking in tongues thing. I promised to try it at home. When I got home my friend and I started, and just ended up laughing our asses off coz we sounded so funny. But I do believe in God, and I like Him. I think He has a good sense of humor.
I went on a retreat once since my friend invited me; however, at the time, I didn't know it was a church retreat. I didn't even know my friend was Christian. We went to someone's house/field because the game was Manhunt. However, before and after dinner was when I found out I was at a Christian retreat. Everyone held hands, looked down, closed their eyes, and said a prayer. I had my eyes wide open looking around, wondering what I should do. None of them ostracized me, though. So, I guess that was a good thing.
No me gusta! I got sucked into going to a church retreat once and the weekend never seemed to end! People just kept hounding me and cornering me saying how great God is and that I should join them. No sirrrr.
I'm horrible, I laughed at the derogatory Asian eyes in dim-litted church statement.
I was forced to go the church until I was 14. It never struck a bell with me. Was never something I was interested in. I just went, because I HAD to go. Don't get me wrong, my church had great people, but it just wasn't for me. But it sucked because I also went to a Christian school (because of my step-mom)...So it was like church everyday. Well, not for me, but I had to endure. I am not an Atheist. I just don't follow any type of religion. Not interested.
Very good blog!
Hell no! You poor thing to have fallen into that. It gives me shudders just thinking about it! And my mom wonders why I won't got to church with her....
I do go to church regularly and I enjoy going. I am sorry you had such a bad experience........that was just pretty weird ~ not all churches are like that( I've never been to one like that and I've been going for a long time)
Did you pray to Korean Jesus?
food for thought...Jesus isn't the church...we are just a bunch of jerk sinners trying to be like Him. What He wants is you...baggage , doubt & all.
The few times I've been goaded into church functions I felt so out of place and just plain scared. Like I was sitting in on a cult that wanted me to join them. :/
This sounds like an incredibly intimidating experience. I too identify as agnostic and have been to various church events with my cousin, but none this aggressive, haha.
I was told by some Korean Church folks that I will go to Hell for not going to church....So I guess I will join you there?
yes, and yes.
Did you at least get to meet any hot bitches?
@Shopgirl0393 - haha...neverrrrr, DD!
@Xbeautifully_broken_downX - time for a group hug.
@lovejennyy - hahah...yah..how'd you guess?
@smile4leena - make some for meh!
@mycontinuity - LOL KOREAN JESUS. XD
I go when my health allows it and i love it!
HAIL SATAN!
@mkazama - They don't do the "scary fun" stuff? I was raised Catholic, and looking back, it's pretty scary. The retreats, especially (which is basically what he's describing here, and not a mass.) I shudder when I remember.
And at 10:30am I'm usually still sleeping on a Sunday. And I LOVE IT like that. Wouldn't have it any other way. But hey, whatever.
Funny post man. I actually enjoy going to church but I enjoy more the relationship I build with my God, my friends, and my fellow brothers and sisters whether you believe in Christ or not. I know what you mean by going to a Korean retreat because I've been to a few... it's varies by church as far as the type of experience you walk out with, but keep in mind that the real purpose of a retreat is just that, to get away from our hectic lives and busy schedules. To retreat to find peace and understanding with those who have a genuine interest in supporting and loving each other by finding salvation through Christ and his words. I'm sure you're quite traumatized from the whole initial experience, but like anything, keep an open mind with no expectation and you'll see that it isn't all that bad if you decide to ever give it another chance.
When I was studying abroad for a year my host brother and I went to a Catholic retreat. IT WAS HORRIBLE!
We ended up pulling off an escape at 4am Saturday morning after getting there on Friday evening.
That was the beginning of nearly 30 years away from the Church.
But I came back. And stayed.
You have to make your own accommodation and that is very hard to do as a kid when your parents control most of your life.
"friend" Not a very good friend.
It's always the Koreans who try to bring you to church!
I love the pics!
forex
You poor thing! Sorry you had such a bad experience, but hey at least you got a good story out of it. And to answer your questions yes I do attend "religious" services regular and I do enjoy going. If I didn't enjoy it I wouldn't go. I learned from others that it's very hard to find a good church and since I found one I like I'm sticking with it.
Going to church events with friends.. rookie mistake.
im sad about your experience....and i think your friend is NOT wise......== and a bit angry with him/her
i enjoy going to church!! and i go to a baptist church....i just feel sad and worried about you though =T (im being honest) can you judge one thing just based on a bad experience about it? that would be unfair and its biased....and i agree with what you said, religion is a serious matter.....just want to let you know, church is made up of humans, and ALL humans are NOT perfect, and we are bound to do something wrong....and the bad experiences you encountered just prove that humans are ALL sinners......and only God is perfect......it would be sad if you dunno Him personally.....i truly feel that way
once i thought of quitting church as well, yet i re-thought a bit, what is the purpose of going to church? is it about the people? or rather God? most of the bad experiences we had are mainly caused by people, AND NOT GOD HIMSELF....if we just simply say "we would never go to church anymore" wouldnt you think it's unfair to GOD instead? after all GOD DID NOT DO STH WRONG, and church is for us to get closer to God.....=T
I went there sometimes when I was little and it was weird. I couldn't stop yawning. It made me so sleepy.
I prefer RE4, personally!
Old churches look cool though. I like the creepy feeling of them.
I like to say that twelve years of Catholic school took it out of me. My father is very religious though, so to be a dutiful daughter I join him for the major holidays ... but I can honestly say I don't enjoy it ... what I do enjoy is spending time with my father though.
Btw, I meant church. I've never been to a retreat. Sounds kinda scary in an unpleasant way.
Lol I hope you never stop writing xanga. You're too hilarious.
But to answer your question. I've been to church every single Sunday of my life. And all the religious holidays too. Lol. I have strict Catholic parents
I've only been to temple, and similar to the Dalai Lama I don't follow Buddhism as a religion but just a philosophy, one of multiple, that I believe in and use to aid me not define me.
u wouldnt understand
My family is Spanish Catholic. I hope that answers your question. If it doesn't...
Christians are the only people I would ever consider genocide being an IMPROVEMENT and a GOOD THING happening to.
Religions scares the hell out of me. And obviously you. For good reason. I loved your post, it made me laugh pretty hard a couple of times. Except for the Bob Ross part... Bob Ross was a boss with those happy little trees.
Well, Church is WAY different from Church Camp. What you're describing scares the shit out of me. I think I would have starting faking posession, just so they'd get me out of there, hahaha....
I mean, my little Catholic Church (not that I attend, but I've had to go for various ceremonies, for the grandparents) is quite chill. They just read stuff, invite you to think of things, and let you go generally unscathed, hehehe.
But echk. I'd prefer going to a weekend root canal camp.
PS: DON'T BRING BOB ROSS INTO THIS. HE WAS A GOOD MAN, AND I'D PRAY TO HIM SOONER THAN TO ANY GOD *happylittletreeshappylittletrees*
Also, it's really funny how many people in the comments are trying to convert you, still. Bwaha.
@nimbusthedragon - THEY WILL NOT CONVERT MEEEE!
@In_Reason_I_Trust - Never had to go on any church retreat. Never brought friends to church either. I attend mass with mostly with the elderly population. My parish church has multilingual mass offerings in a rather ethnically diverse area so it's predominantly older Irish and Philippino folk. I only attend mass several times a year and I see it as meeting with my grandparents.
@CaKaLusa - TURN UNDEAD! *that's how that works right?*
I consider myself Agnostic now, but I was baptized Catholic. Pretty boring and exactly what @mkazama described.
However, I did attend a coffee house thing at a Korean church....and yeah....I THINK IT'S THE KOREANS.
Oh the fun I've been missing all these years..
I was kicked out of Sunday School about fifty years ago and have seldom been in a church since that time, aside from weddings, baptisms and funerals.
It's not the Christian part that makes it hilarious. It's the "Korean" part.
Source: Formerly religified Korean American
hahahahahahahaha.... I've had a similar experience... Once.. but NEVER again. Amen to that.
I learn to play guitar from a lady who works in a church. She keeps assuming that I belong to some church "praise group". I say that I don't belong to a praise group. I don't have the guts to tell her that I don't go to church!
@PrisonerxOfxLove - the great escape!
I believe in god.
I don't "believe in" church.
Every church I've ever went to has had nasty, spiteful people that will act like your best friend, and tell you how they'd love to help and how your all equal under god and as soon as its over, the preachers wife is running her mouth about how much of a filthy whore you are, and I'm not even going to mention what her daughter does in her free time. .____.
Count me out.
@Swamperr - that pastor's daughter...ALWAYS REPRESSED!
LOL sounds like you went to a charismatic church. I'm not fond of hearing people speaking in tongue. It's just not something I'm not used to.
But I do attend church regularly. I didn't appreciate the message of God until later on in life. I hope you will learn to feel the same one day
In all things of the universe, there is balance -- When science believes the absolute is found; then a next quandary is laid open, and when the mathematician solves the equation; A thousand more are suddenly untapped, and when we solve it all as once was said by Steven Hawking; Then we have found God. Evil is around every street corner, up the noses of mothers who have children that are then murdered by, "Boyfriends." If we can say there is evil; Then there is an opposing force; and that is good. For many of us good is a name, a face which left it's mark, the cross for Christians, and Mary is sent now and again when we are so biased that our hearts are beginning to weaken from the strain of evil. I go to church when I can, but I think church is crying to go back to the smaller venue of within homes, for there is too much noise without and within out there. The balance of all things shows the junkies gathered to, "Score," another child; And Good is awakened when the child is in it's darkest hour. Good is the infinite love after the storm, and those who come after the waters cover the land and leave families without. Good is God, is church, is many faces, but Evil is so ugly that it stands on stilts to endeavor to be seen the most and heard the loudest. I believe; With these words, I ask God to forgive this miserable wretch who complains daily that I want more; Yes, Lord, and my people; I believe, and thus I am on the faith journey, on the way to church, and in my last hours, then I shall become the naked infant before the God in whose image I was made. The last stop any Catholic spirit makes in their time on earth is the last mystery, Death, for only in death can we learn the secret of the immortals. Bless you my friend. Barbara Everett Heintz, Author, "Pinkhoneysuckle," Amazon/ Kindle Ready, a book which will show you the absence of love and the power of God when the child, then woman can come in to the light of love.
Love and Blessings,
Barb Heintz
I don't go to church. I saw some people speaking in tongue once and running around the church..it freaked me the hell out.
Even worst is a Kingdom Hall Church. They're always talking about the end of the world >_<
Don't go to church. On occasion an acquaintance insists on inviting me to their church for the same reason as your ex friend, and I always decline no matter what.
"Korean Jesus is busy doing Korean shit!!"
-___- i knew it was a korean from "my friend in high school..." sighhhh...
also A+ for the hongki gif kkkk <3 <3
@CaKaLusa -
True, I just don't like the hypocrisy all over churches. I can pray, and study, and live in my own bedroom, around a lot less stress than I can in a church, I'm pretty sure God can understand that.
ugh!!
Growing up, we didn't regularly go to church, except for a few years when I was around 13 or so. I found the whole thing rather weird and stifling. Stupid rules. (It was Church of Christ, no musical instruments, women can't speak in front of the church, no dancing, etc.) I think religion does a great job of putting many people off religion. Worked for me, anyway.
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