The great debate of 2013.
Looks like your mother's dildo has arrived.
A recent post on @olwd's blog surfaced recently, comparing men with their sexual battery-powered counterpart. As I was reading this list, I couldn't help but wonder how women could even compare this inorganic object to the real thing.
So here's my list of
- Who's going to replace your lightbulb when you can't reach?
- We'll stomp that spider out when you're cowering in the corner, hugging your vibrator.
- We can change your tire. Or oil. Or anything that requires tools.
- You won't deter that mugger with a dildo. Well, maybe if it was a giant purple one.
- That blinking 12:00 on your VCR will blink for an enternity without us.
- We can lift things up, then put them down.
- Most of us aren't "Made In China."
- We can do your taxes.
- Who's going to offer you a coat when you're freezing? Sure, try and pull out that dildo of yours to keep warm.
- We can hold doors. Though dildo make for great doorstops (don't ask).
- You can invite us to parties.
- You'll never misplace us behind your bed.
- Who would you prefer introducing to your parents? "Mom, dad, meet Mr. Shakes-a-lot."
- We can wash ourselves.
- You wouldn't need to replace us every few months, unless you're Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan.
- We'll laugh at all your bad jokes.
- We'll tell you bad jokes.
- You can't take a dildo to a dinner date. Not outside of Japan, I don't think.
- We can finish your leftovers.
- You can hold our hands in public. A dildo, not so much.
- Good luck posting that new Facebook relationship status with "Dildo"
- When you're watching a scary movie, instead of our hands, enjoy snuggling up with a dildo.
- We can hold your hair up when you're violently vomiting into the toilet.
- We'll tell you what you want to hear when you ask us how the dress makes you look.
- Dildos will never compare to the real thing.
If we left females to accessorize cars.
Need a new read? Check out http://www.momusshrugged.com/. Momus Shrugged is a blog dedicated to the art of satire, mockery, and derision.