March 26, 2013

  • Vibrators versus Men

    The great debate of 2013.

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    Looks like your mother's dildo has arrived.

    A recent post on @olwd's blog surfaced recently, comparing men with their sexual battery-powered counterpart. As I was reading this list, I couldn't help but wonder how women could even compare this inorganic object to the real thing.

    So here's my list of

    25 Reasons Why Men Are Far Superior to Vibrators
    1. Who's going to replace your lightbulb when you can't reach?
    2. We'll stomp that spider out when you're cowering in the corner, hugging your vibrator.
    3. We can change your tire. Or oil. Or anything that requires tools.
    4. You won't deter that mugger with a dildo. Well, maybe if it was a giant purple one.
    5. That blinking 12:00 on your VCR will blink for an enternity without us.
    6. We can lift things up, then put them down.
    7. Most of us aren't "Made In China."
    8. We can do your taxes.
    9. Who's going to offer you a coat when you're freezing? Sure, try and pull out that dildo of yours to keep warm.
    10. We can hold doors. Though dildo make for great doorstops (don't ask).
    11. You can invite us to parties.
    12. You'll never misplace us behind your bed.
    13. Who would you prefer introducing to your parents? "Mom, dad, meet Mr. Shakes-a-lot."
    14. We can wash ourselves.
    15. You wouldn't need to replace us every few months, unless you're Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan.
    16. We'll laugh at all your bad jokes.
    17. We'll tell you bad jokes.
    18. You can't take a dildo to a dinner date. Not outside of Japan, I don't think.
    19. We can finish your leftovers.
    20. You can hold our hands in public. A dildo, not so much.
    21. Good luck posting that new Facebook relationship status with "Dildo"
    22. When you're watching a scary movie, instead of our hands, enjoy snuggling up with a dildo.
    23. We can hold your hair up when you're violently vomiting into the toilet.
    24. We'll tell you what you want to hear when you ask us how the dress makes you look.
    25. Dildos will never compare to the real thing.

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    If we left females to accessorize cars.

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    Need a new read? Check out http://www.momusshrugged.com/. Momus Shrugged is a blog dedicated to the art of satire, mockery, and derision.

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