Just ate at Denny's. Their Grand Slam Breakfast just grand slammed my colon.
Month: August 2013
Your life has been a lie.
1. You’ve probably been ignoring this feature.
Most aluminum foil boxes have press-in tabs that secure the roll in place, so you don’t have worry about it flying out every time you rip off a sheet.
2. You’ve been dispensing Tic Tacs the hard way.
You know how when you violently shake a container of Tic Tacs into your palm it seems as though you always end up with zero or seven? Avoid that altogether by letting a mint gently glide into the tiny lid crevice.
3. Forget to pack a spoon with that applesauce? No problem.
Ever find yourself with an individual cup of applesauce or yogurt and no spoon? Instead of slurping and probably getting half of your snack on your shirt, turn the foil lid into a makeshift spoon.
Obviously, don’t try this if you’ve got a mouth full of metal fillings.
4. You’ve been storing peanut butter the wrong way.
Never arm wrestle with a jar of peanut butter, just to make sure it’s not oily on top and crumby on the bottom, again. Store it upside down, so the oils distribute evenly.
5. You haven’t been using ketchup cups to their full potential.
Instead of grabbing multiple cups of ketchup, simply pull apart at the edges for twice the space.
6. You’re probably using the wrong plunger.
This is easily the most recognizable plunger. Chances are you have one lying around the house. BUT, did you know it’s only meant to be used on clogged sinks?
To unclog a toilet, you need a flange plunger, which doesn’t have a flat bottom.
7. Chinese takeout containers are actually made to fold out into plates.
The containers actually are meant to unfold into a makeshift plate, which you can easily reassemble into a box for storing leftovers.
More info here.
8. You’re brushing with too much toothpaste.
You only need to use a pea-sized amount of toothpaste for effective cleaning. Most ads feature globs of toothpaste the size of the brush because a.) it looks nice and b.) it makes you use up more toothpaste.
9. Greek yogurt containers are meant to be folded in half.
Chances are you’ve been scooping the toppings with your spoon onto the yogurt.
But, have you realized, the topping holder folds over, so you can pour the toppings DIRECTLY ON TOP?
10. You’ve probably been placing toilet seat covers in the wrong direction.
The flap is meant to be placed toward the front. This prevents the agony of sitting down on a toilet seat, only to realize you’ve dragged the cover down into the bowl.
11. Soda tabs double as straw holders.
Turn the tab around so that it acts as holder that can stop the straw from raising out of the can as the soda fizzes.
12. There’s a foolproof way to keep your extension cords from coming undone.
Plug the cords into a loop to avoid disconnection.
13. Pipe cleaners can be used to clean..ACTUAL PIPES.
OK, sure, you can use them to make mess free crafts with your kids, but did you know you can also use them…
14. You’ve been serving juice boxes the wrong way.
Pull the sides out so you child has something to grasp onto, stopping them from spilling.
15. Never break off more chocolate than you can chew again.
To easily break off a single piece of Toblerone, pull toward the bar, not away from it.
16. You probably don’t realize it, but your pots come with built-in spoon rests.
That hanging hole doubles as a spoon rest, in a pinch.
17. There’s a much easier way to floss.
Tie floss into a loop and never strangle your fingers again.
18. Soft-drink lids can double as coasters.
Take the lid from the top of cup (or grab an extra) and use it as a perfectly sized coaster.
A female? Quick! Act cool.
Friend: You should start talking to her.
Me: haha...I no way!
Friend: Prolly an easy B.J.
I've eloquent friends.
Degrading Sports Photos of the Day
Rolling to the finish line and scratching your butt itch? Win-win.
"DON'T MAKE THIS HARDER THAN IT SHOULD!"
The weather was perfect. My friends were there. What more could one ask for? Oh, lots of boobies.
I asked the girls if they could touch their elbows together...
About six months.
Copping a feel.
It was like Chinatown at the beach.
Nom nom nom.
Coworker #1: Is she coming?
Me (thinks to self): That's what she said....
Coworker #2: Yeah, she told me she's coming.
Me (thinks to self): Oh my god. Please stop. Resist all temptation, Chris.
Boss: Oh, here she comes.
Me: That's what she said!!!!
Everyone stares at me in silence.
Me: Err...she said she was coming to the meeting...that's what she said...
Pubes in the Cube.
Me: I saw the curliest pube in the urinal.
Coworker: How curly?
Me: It was like the spring of a click pen.
Degrading Sports Photo of the Day
High five! High five, anyone?
Hoover Sings Standardized Testing Blues