January 21, 2004

  • Favorite Time of The Year


    Why is it that we have two national holidays commemorating the deceased, a day for celebrating a groundhog's shadow, and a day where we celebrate a sailor who massacred/raped/pillaged a plethora of Native American tribes? With Chinese New Year tomorrow, what about us Asians; particularly the Chinese? What about Chinese New Year? Of all national holidays, we should be able to have a few days off. What's so great about this holiday you ask? Well, besides the cash, there's more to it than the average American sees. That's why I'm here to help you uncultured swine better understand this Chinese holiday.


    What holiday can possibly top this particular one? It's practically four holidays wrapped into a nice package. Those holidays include: July Fourth, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Here's how:



    • July Fourth: We're Chinese, we got illegal fireworks, we set them off on this day. Case closed.


    • Halloween: Although it's not customary here in the US, back in the motherland of ol' China, children dress up in red costumes, decorated in floral designs, including a mask that's sure to scare away creatures, living or dead.





    • Thanksgiving: There's an old Chinese saying, "You can't leave the table without finishing everything on it." (or so I think) In this case, if that were true, you'd be having to stay on the Subway Diet for years. On this day, the family traditionally has to serve eight dishes for good luck. You're probably going to end up poking a new belt hole after this dinner.




    • Christmas: This is where it all goes down. This is why most(or at least I do) Chinese children love this holiday, the cash. Red envelopes stuffed with cash make this probably the most expensive holiday a child can experience.



    In Summary: Aren't you greatful for being Chinese sometimes?


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