November 15, 2004

  • Shower Time

    The last time you checked a friend's away message on AIM, it may
    have read "showering" or "taking a bath." Whether you're a boy or girl,
    you've probably wondered what the process of the opposite sex
    takes when undergoing this process of good hygiene. Of course, not
    all of you shower everyday (one of the reasons why we get sick,
    people!). But fear not, for today is your lucky day. I'm about to share
    with you people, how each gender showers. I know it may seem awkward
    how I may know the way women shower, but I'm sure that I'll be quite
    accurate when I elaborate on the processes's taken when showering.

    How to Shower Like a Woman

    1. Take off clothing and place it in the laundry hamper, arranded from lights to darks.
    2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
    3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror -  make mental note to do more sit-ups.
    4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.
    5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
    6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. 
    7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
    8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. 
    9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and  jaffa cake body wash.
    10. Rinse conditioner off hair.
    11. Shave armpits and legs.
    12. Turn off shower.
    13. Squeegee ! off all wet surfaces in shower.  Spray mold spots with Tilex.
    14. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country.  Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
    15. Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.
    16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
    17. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.


    "Are you sure these bubbles are from the jacuzzi?"

    AND NOW ...

    How To Shower Like a Man
    1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
    2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
    3. Look in the mirror, look at your wiener and scratch your ass.
    4. Get in the shower.
    5. Wash your face.
    6. Wash your armpits.
    7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
    8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh  at how loud they sound in the shower.
    9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
    10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
    11. Shampoo your hair.
    12. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
    13. Pee.
    14. Rinse off and get out of shower.
    15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
    16. Admire wiener size in mirror again.
    17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
    18.
    Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife,
    pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' 
    sound again.
    19. Throw wet towel on bed.

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