January 29, 2006
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Plantains + Asians + Wine = Super confused people.
Mixing
various cultures within another is disastrous. The melting pot theory
can only go so far. Take for example, the latest social gathering. Plantains,
a well-known South American snack of fried "bananas." I use that term
loosely because they taste nothing like one, more like a potato
squeezed inside a metallic condom (My imagery has been lacking as of
late, I know). They are then deep-fried until crisp, lightly salted,
and flattened for a potato chip-like look. Mmm...and all I had to
endure was four hot oil splashes to my iris.
I see people--Asian people. Many Asian people.
Step one: Peel. Probably the most important and obvious step. Nobody likes hard, undercooked, and bitter plantain chips.
Step two:
Frying. After you've cut the plantains (skinned) into 1 inch peices,
it's time to get to the fun part--frying. Be careful not to scald
yourself, or look too closely because if your pan spits out a boiling
hot blast of oil into your eye, you can join Ray Charles soon after.
Step Three: Resting.
Sure, you can attempt to pick these babies up right after lifting them
from 400F boiling oil, but I value my sense of touch, and so should
you. Let them cool for about 2-3 minutes before handling. This also
allows any excess oil to drip down; for all you lard-arses out there,
this one's for you.
Step Four: Mashy
Smashy. What's a chip/crisps (for my European readers) without it being
flat like an Asian female? A round french fry, that's what! Take out
that hammer your dad never used (that lazy bum) and whack away. Make
sure the plantains don't go flying all over the place, or you're going
to have a "step five": vacuuming.
One bottle for me, one glass for you, one bottle for me, one glass for you...
Cute? Nah, don't get too attached, it was that night's dinner.
FLASH!
Degrading Sports Photo of the Day
"Hey, at least your jersey won't stain"
Comments (372)
Hola~
I see asians too!
mmmmm bananas
i like to grill my cats with onions and pepper, i only eat them once every chinese new years, which is today. meow my stomach is full.
spanish ppl smash the plantains with those round things u roll the dough with.
yeah. so ghetto.
plantains? huh, what?
plantains are awesome.....
you make me hungry
HOSHIT ZOMBIE
Plantains are really good!
Plantains are also a Filipino food as well, and I think Thai too. Damn, I'm hungry now...:/.
yumm plantains =]
mmmmm....cat..
maybe i lack tastebuds but fried platains are bland.
they're sweeter steamed. microwaved.
food is so great.
dang, those computers are pretty good,
those things look so disgusting.
eww so does that last pic.
plantains + asians + wine may equal super confused people,
but plantains + asians equals plantasians.
That hockey dude got knocked the fuck out!!
That hockey player looks like the Terminator.
I LOVE PLAINTAINS!!!
mmmm food!! lol
nice. sick hockey pic.
~dAN
asians have fried bananas too. hmm.
that is the most disgusting degrading sports photo by far. props man props. *pounds chest two times with fist and then busts out a peace sign*
I've never had plantains.
And not all Asian girls are flat. (Sadly I'm not an exception.)
That photo needs no caption.
thats a nice house. yo man we INVENTED fried plantains
yum yum yum ...but your imagery still is above par you know ..... flat as an asian woman .. man thats great haha ............ in other words you still own
super confused party people happy fun time hour!!!!1!
ooOOoooOO plantains!!! =]]] poor kitty!! haha
and im sure that the jerseys fine, and so is he! =] haha happy chinese new years!!!
i thought the dog was a fluffy slipper for a second.....
The degrading sports photo of the day ............ wow
you can't eat banana's they're used for sex ed to put condoms on!
durrr..have you never seen Never Been Kissed?
shame
i love plantains!
You have far too many friends. And somehow, you can afford wine. That's just too damn fancy for me. Assuming I could legally drink, moonshine all the way.
Heyyy. I like plantains. They taste a lot like potato chips...at least the ones we buy from Trader Joe's do.
lol i was just thinking....if i posted a picture of you in my profile, would i have have more subscribers?
i think i've eaten those plantains.
ew, the last picture is pretty disturbing.
firecrackers are fun yet very, very scary. haha.
happy chinese new year:]
have you tried gummy corns? they actually taste like corn but more gummy bearish.
hockey is the most retarded sport ever. besides baseball
I was craving some of those fried plantains while reading your entry until I got to the sports-pic-of-the-day. Now my poor, confused mind is thinking about palatable eyeballs. Ick.
eww, i hate plantains. lol haha thats a pretty gross sports photo, too! lol niceee
¢¾ .alix.Xo*
♥ *
ugh forget it. lol
nasty ass hockey playerz
gong hay fuck choy!
Hmm, plantains. Those are good.
Poor puppy, it looks like someone's foot was resting on its back haha.
Hm, poor hockey player too
fried bananas are good. ^^;
that is one disturbing hockey picture.
Interesting... I like this step by step cooking entry.
I swear it's an Asian cult! (why, yes of course on Chinese/Lunar New Year)
With... different cultured foods, you guys want to be interracial, of course
that's pretty cool. i've been enlightened
looks fun.
ryc: I'm on the facebook. My name is really Francie, and I go to UCLA. Actually, the pictures you'll find are kinda dorky-looking, because I'm a dorky-looking girl. Some people find me attractive, though. It's not my fault. I never encourage such foolishness.
Like someone already mentioned, that is a lovely kitchen in your pictures.
i don't understand, why bother flattening the fried banana pieces. does it make it easier to eat? and that's one nice house
degrading sports photo??? more like grotesque, holy shit sports photo! that thing is scary..
-wes-
fried bananas? hmm....
what is up with the "picture of the day" ...eww~~ >.<
"flat like an asian female"?? HEY.. low shot!. its true though
sunuvabeach!
cute cat!
ive never had plantains lol. but this is a must try one day...mmm oily.
i see many asian people around my house.
mm plantains ahha flat as an asian female
mm, plantains. yum =)
that hockey picture is uh, pretty gross.
oh noe, Cakalusa commented me.. ahhh --'
Furry cats create too much of a mess when you skin them.
i see no asians............. o wait their they are. lol
happy new years...hope you had the cat in curry sauce atleast!
if your plantains taste like metallic condoms (and what do metallic condoms taste like, bigguns? jk) usually means a little under-ripe. they're so good with a dipping sauce of scotch bonnet chilis, coconut and pineapple in a creamy base. a quick comment:on the whole cutting of hair thing, this may be a little late, and who am i to give advice to strangers, but i went through that a month ago, i've been growing it for Locks of Love, and 2 things, if you're so attached to your hair that you wouldn't be you without it, then shave that shotzenshiet off. no one should be that shallow. but if you just like it, and it's just hair, keep it. it's ridiculously sectsy.( that's not a hit on, just a comment) LASTLY....belch on your own site, bucko!
i like fried ice cream.
dang, those pictures made me hungry and want to become a chef. plantains. i shall remember.
in the picture with the cat, is that karoake on the tv screen? haha j/w
oh god, the eye the eye!!!
i have never had homemade fried plantains. yummmm!
plantains are dee lee shush.
Oh wow, those plantains sure look good. I'd sure like to try some..
..BUT WAIT, that hockey picture just put me off my appetite.
Btw. How do you eat cats? My grandma boils them and makes tofu soup!
you should try dog soup sometime.
That doesn't sound very tasty. Raw bananas are just fine, thanks.
"flat like an asian female" hahahaha
I think i accidentally ate your money. *urp* :/
Plantains are awesome! We usually slice them very thin and fry them...more chip like. It's sometimes used as breakfast...you slice it on an angle, serve with butter and eggs on the side. Yum!
happi new year dude!
holy stuff, hahah wow that looks so gross I hate bananas T_T
Looks yummy!
But the last pic is distasteful.
omg your funny. but now i know how to make these weird ass foodies! lol. unfortunatly, i have to go buy a hammer. my dad was too lazy to actually buy one*laughs* kiddin he is a carpenter that smug bastard...
anyways love your site, comment back
Mademoiselle Cyn -^.^-
i hate those plantains. i always buy them thinking it's potato
Deep frying bananas huh? Your pretty hot dude, lol.
Fried Bananas and Salsa...=P
You're right, plantains taste funny. Have you ever fried bananas in brown sugar, though?
YOU!
~koala =D
awesome pics! we have a different way of cooking it but yum..now u have me craving plantains..i like the big ones..hahaha!
I lost my eye in a killer golf match once, but you don't see me crying about it. What a wimp.
gong hay fat choi! & chuc mung nam moi. =] hope you have a great chinese new year!! and hope you got lots of red envelopes. ate yummy food like those banana chips! hehe and no...just because its the year of the dog doesn't mean my dog's delicious. your red envelopes are at my house. where are my red envelopes? =P
Hmm if the food tasted good.
It's worth it?
You and Steph need to show me around.
I bet that cat was pretty delicious. Did you roast it with the plantains? Well, that's cat food for you...
That's a pretty nice house, too. It's cool that you have two computers in your room!
Cakalusa should do a 5-minute cooking segment on Current.TV showing Super Confused People in different cultures. I would so totally watch it in a <3-beat.
flat like an asian female?!?! haha!!!!!!!
that pic of the hockey player is gross..did he lose an eye?!?
Poor little hockey player :-88
nice kitchen, fried plantines m'mmm, nice footwarmer
and finally can i have one of those dells? 
Food... gong hay fat choi.
flat like an asian woman?...that's not true not all of us are flat ya know...some of us are actually blessed!
Oooh, a cooking lesson!
You guys leave west indian food alone, see what you do, u screw it up see. Do you see me messing around with chop suey or spicy duck in oiled wok? no.
I thought plantains were a lot smaller than regular bananas.
L,r
yummmmmm
nanas!!! mmm
...your entries are intriguing, i guess. but i have no room to talk. so here are your damn props. har har.
What a great, traditional way to celebrate Chinese New Year!
ooooh, that S80 is a beautiful little camera. and plantains are damn good. but i prefer ripened, raw plantains the most.
I love plantains!
...and that hockey pic is nasty.
there must be some dominican in that guy. how did he know how to male plantains?
Asian people are scary.
fried plantains taste good
happy chinese new years? lol. the food looks good.. i want some of that. too bad the firecrackers hurt my ears that midnight. eeee! site proppin'. see ya
happy belated chinese new year! ahh, i never had fried plantains
EWWW!!! That picture of the hockey player is sooo gross! It looks like something out of a horror movie.
Was his eye still alright? Do you know?
your "dinner" looked delicious! ahahahah. lunar new year dinner yea? happy lunar new year
kitty!!! ^.^
dood, that's what i looked like when i was hit by a hockey puck my senior year high school. i still have a red line in my eye from a popped blood vessel that did not heal correctly.
that lady in the pic looks sick haha
Wow I learned something new today, thanks! Oh yeah...I'm not flat!!!
<3 Addy
Y'all cooking them wrong. You need to cut 'em up, mash 'em flat, then put a fried skirt steak, some onions, a little garlic, between two of them. That right there is the best thing you'll ever eat.
mmmm plantains
"more like a potato squeezed inside a metallic condom"...that shit's all kinds of funny...tell that to a puerto rican--those mofos are serious about plantains
WE HAVE DEEP FRIED PLANTAINTS IN PHILIPPINES TOO.. AND WE ALSO HAV DRIED MANGOS.. HAHA!!!
now i have a sudden urge to make some plantains!!!!
ouch sports pic..good cooking
These look yummy! Thought I would stop by say hello. I am making it a point to coenmmt and stay connected with all of my fellow Michigan Bloggers =) Talk to you soon.
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