April 21, 2011
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My Run in with the Police.
Based on a true story. Well, duh!I should be sleeping at this hour (written at 2AM), but this story is way too epic to hold onto, and I'll end up forgetting most of it when I wake up. So I just got dropped off by a police officer moments ago. You hear that, ladies? A cop car. Line starts here. I like steak and imported draft beers for dinner.
8pm - I dine on a Mexican dinner. That was my first mistake as I'd find out very soon that my buttcheeks would be very intimate with a toilet for what seemed like an eternity.
8:45pm - My friend and I finish dinner early so we had time to kill. I show my friend my old high school and parks.
9pm - We see the entrance is open, so my friend drives the car in and we decide to head to the park to walk off a Mexican dinner.
What's for dinner? Liquid dinner.9:10pm - Literally ten minutes later, we see a few headlights in the distance. "Oh no...is...IT IS! THEY'RE LOCKING US IN!"
9:12pm - I make a Usain Bolt sprint to the entrance half a mile away. No luck. They drive away, leaving me cursing at them.
9:15pm - I inspect the locks and gates, hoping they didn't fully lock it. No matter how stressful and impossible a situation seems, why do people keep repeating the same actions, hoping it would miraculously solve itself? That was me.
9:17pm - In a panic, I did the only thing I knew in that situation, I Tweeted about it.
9:25pm - We google some local numbers and park departments, nothing. We decide to call non-emergency axillary police and get an answer machine. REALLY? ANSWER MACHINE? It's like calling the suicide hotline and getting put on a 45 minute hold.
9:45pm - We see some lights. Is it help? YES! IT'S A COP! We honk the horn to call our savior! And our savior...is driving right past us. F*CK!
10:05pm - At this point, either my sense of emergency, Hulk anger, lack of sleep, sheer stupidity, or all of the above kicked in and I decide to MacGyver it. I decided to plow through the gates with the car. "I'm an effing genius," I thought. I even tweeted it asking my readers what I should do. A unanimous decision to ram that mofo down with the car. Who says this blog isn't interactive?
10:25pm - I look around the park and find an orange cone and divider you see on highways and place it at the gate. She revs the engine and I leap out of the way. The A-Team theme music played in my head. SCREEEEEEEEEE-CRUNCH! I turn around, hoping the crunch was the sound of a lock busting open.
10:26pm - Realize driving through a locked gate only happens successfully in the movies and leaves a mark on on her bumper that looked like a robot punched it. Poor bumper. Time for plan B.
10:45pm - We give up and decide to call 911. Initially, we refrained from calling because it was a non-emergency situation. But the operator actually told us to call them for these kinds of situations. She tells us help will be there shortly.
10:50pm - Five minutes later, a cop car shows up and gave us a "What the hell are you doing back there?" from his car. He steps out as I do, and asks, "What the hell are you doing back there?" I tell him the story, he shakes his head. "This is the first time I've seen this." Awesome! I popped his "locked in a park" cherry. I'm sure he'll have an awesome story to tell his cop buddies in the morning.
"We got a report of a dumbass? Anyone see it?"
"Yes, officer...I have."11:05pm - Another squad car rolls in. If you're from Long Island, you know the cops here rarely have anything to do, so they come in pairs. Not for me. A freaking caravan of cars came by. Embarrassing much?
11:15pm - The officer looks at all the gates, checks his options. He calls a bunch of numbers and walks up to me. "I got some bad news, we can't get this gate open. We can't cut it unless it's an emergency." FACK! I look at the other officer, "Can't you just...use your gun and shoot it?" He didn't laugh. Some cops are cold, man.
I feel so helpless! SOMEBODY! ANYBODY! USSR!11:25pm - The officer makes a few more phone calls to different parks and security but has no luck. THE CITY THAT NEVER SLEEPS, MY ARSE!
11:45pm - So at this point, our only option was to leave the car here overnight and hop the fence. We had nothing else, so I jumped over like a ninja. The officer asks me, "You're walking home? Need a ride?" Oh hell yeah!
12am - He pops open the back seat and I jump in. I only saw the back of a cop car in movies and the show Cops, so this was surreal. It was like Superbad, and I was McLovin.
12:05am - I start Tweeting from the back of a cop car. WHATCHUKNOWBOUTDAT?
So this is what the back of a cop car looks like. Windows XP? Ew...12:06am - It's so funny watching so many pedestrian vehicles slow down all at the sight of a cop. He also has a nice shotgun sitting two inches away from me. I CALL SHOTGUN!
12:10am - I chat with the officer, take some more dark and blurry pictures of the car with my phone. I tell the officer, "I hope my parents don't see me stepping out of this car!"
12:15am - The cop car pulls up to my driveway with my dad out front coming home late from work.
Story of my life.
Comments (391)
LOOK AT ME, I'M GANGSTA!
Maybe a little?
LMAOOOO Only you would end up in a situation like this.
Oh and I ended up driving by your neighborhood the other day 'cause I got lost. LOL
Wow. Dude. Just wow
So much drama! LOL
Cool story! I've been the driver of cop cars many times(as a cop), and been the passenger more than once. Sometimes by choice, sometimes not.
You dumb ass... great story though. I was wondering how you were doing last night and how you were randomly in a park. Glad to hear you didn't get arrested.
" It was like Superbad, and I was McLovin."
HAHAHELL YEA FOGLE
glad you're ok, i wish i were there to witness it
lol!
LOL! That is an amazing story. What did your dad have to say???
Oh my god dude...this should be nominated for post of the year. LMAO!!!!
haha I've been locked inside a park too. fun times!
Haha, and at first I thought you were starting off a bad joke when you message me that you were locked in a park. Is that your friend in the menu shot? I noticed you left just enough space to capture her cleavage. Classic Chris!
Ahahahaha this is so great.
One word: EPIC.
Okay, okay... I'll give you a few gangsta points. But only a few. You're not a real bad@ss unless you're ridin' in the back of the cop car in handcuffs!
Been in the back of a cop car once with my ex, strolling down the neighborhood for a thief (thieves). Good times.
Tully?
@twentyse7enn - and didn't say HELLO? GOSH!
@AffinityInUnderstanding - twss
@CurryPuffy - fo errbody's mama!
@lonelywanderer2 - it's fun in the backseat!
@sonychak - thanks, hun!
@swtaznxtc90 - woulda been an amazing Xanga Meetup story to add.
@UnconventionalButterfly - :D
@SerenaDante - that's for another entry...haha
@ThePrince - thanks!
@HeLLo_Bianca - I could've easily climbed over and left, but damn it, we had a car!
@Roadlesstaken - You know how I doooo!
@TheInappropriateSkirt - It twas! Great story for the grandkids.
@s0mekindofwonderful - woohoo!
@MyxlDove - Maybe I have... :X
@stupid_systemus - ah, fun times...
@AtramentousX - yeah... :X
@CaKaLusa - Uh oh!!! Glounded fo rife?
all i see is boobage, what was the story about?
what happened to your friend?
Haha damn po po.
@BumbleBoTuna - I concur.
Wow. Lol.
U lost me at the headlights...
@SerenaDante - DISHONOL FAMIRY!
@BumbleBoTuna - me too. no idea!
@dooE - safe. thanks for asking.
@remiblanc2011 - ( Y )
@suicide_king23 - that's what she said.
Best story ever XD
I have no words... All I know is this is getting rec'd to high-fucking-heaven
Did you get the officer's name? Hook it up!
@cbr600 - which one?
@Nevermore_Nightmare - oh sank youuu
@whotakethmycoke - woohooo
HAHAHAHA YES! THIS SHIT WAS OVER NINE THOUSANDDDDDDDDD!
@aimvpr - indeed! officer ritter
@fLiPgUy31O - OVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
9:17pm - In a panic, I did the only thing I knew in that situation, I Tweeted about it.
Totally epic.
@babychillax - like my farts? I hear ya (pun intended).
@CaKaLusa - Should I have knocked on every door to find you? LOL
If these are the things that happen to you when sober, count on the fact that I never want to be around you when intoxicated. I do, however, still want to go drinking with Mrs. Lau!
yep. only you.
poor bumper! hehehe
@twentyse7enn - yes! or you have my number!
@misajour - YOU STAY 'WAY FROM MY MAMA!
@mizzaimilei - :S
@signln - it's safe! whew
I really can't fathom as to why you thought ramming the gate would be a good idea. But I guess desperation and survival instinct...
The entire Chinese race hangs their head in shame. hahahaha...
After recent events, i cant sympathize much. But you did just remind me about my incident, which i can now blog about. So thanx for that, buddy! Haha!
Oh, as for 9:15, thats the exact definition of insanity - just sayin'..
Next time climb over the fence at the beginning and save the police a ride away from the coffee shop!
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@nimbusthedragon - It looked loose....TWSS!
@ElusiveWords - SHHH!
@somnambulist_Chick - CUHRAZY!
lol @ shot of the menu and cleavage
I can tell you from experience that getting locked in a university library is no less embarrassing. You're one up on me, yo. You got a ride in a cop car. I got walked to my car by campus safety volunteers... who snickered the whole way.
@CaKaLusa - I don't have your numberrr. How can I holla atchu??
i never joke with cops unless they joke with me first (which is pretty much never). i know someone in the NYPD and he said trying to pull a joke is flagging suspicion for you trying to hide something and/or trying to insult his authority. cold, indeed.
LOL!
oh wow, that sucks. I would've just jumped the fence and leave the car with a note right away or something...
When i was a freshman in college, my friends thought it;d be funny to pull a prank and post it on youtube,.
To sum it up, "innocent bystanders would witness a kidnapping" A friend would be in the trunk and it would accidentally pop open and the "targets" would see a guy in his underwear duct tape on his mouth, wrists and feet; Desperately trying to get out and muffling the words HELP. Then the passenger of the vehicle would get out, punch the guy a few times, slam the trunk shut, and we would drive off laughing.
prank goes horribly wrong. 5 minutes later an entire street gets shut down and we're surrounded by at least 12 squad cars, 2 black SUVs. pistols, shotguns, and assault rifles pointed at us. we still laugh about it. -_- lol
Ended better than my run in
nice...
if my mom saw me getting out of a police car at night, i think i am grounded for the rest of my life.
daaaaamn, Cakalusa!
Great, how is anybody going to beat this story...
I received an infraction for being in a park after hours.
@twentyse7enn - oooh, you hittin' on meee? jk. I can msg u my deetz if you want.
@GreenTeaGym - om nom nom.
@Prolixity_Split - see? school is overrated!
@CaKaLusa - This is me, clinging to the hope that a degree will still mean something when I graduate.
I want your glasses. NOW!!
@Prolixity_Split - a degree can help, but ultimately it's who you know and networking. I've seen people with masters in math and end up in a design field.
@RulerofMasons - MINE!
@WhenHateIsTheOnlyOption - doinnnng?
@naguyin - ONE UP IT!
@nerdyveggiegirl - that's what she said.
@prettykay04 - DISHONOL FAMIRY!?
@npr32486 - which was?
@brybrymusic - I'd laugh.
@Cliffycliffz - eventually had to.
@Closure_Theory - ror!
@bridgetrhee - that's a cynical way of looking at it. HOW NEW YORKER!
my favorite part is how I was online while this was happening. EPICCCCCC WIN. Why is someone not following you with a video camera??
@CaKaLusa - Shit. I'm screwed. I don't know anyone, but yooooou.
@CaKaLusa - aha seed in the family, never return from it,
@CaKaLusa - In handcuffs... >_>
must be nice to live somewhere that cops will give you a ride home...
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@SpAnKyLiCiOuS - there should! haha
@Prolixity_Split - you know me...to doooo?
@prettykay04 - nope!
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@der_lila_Stern - In NY of all places, right?
Your street cred just leveled up.
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oh man.,.. lol. thats all i can say
well good thing you didn't step on poop or else you would have never been able to take that dark picture in back of the cop car
HA HA I know one of those cops
The line about how you handled your panic by tweeting about it was hilarious! That would happen to me, glad you didn't get arrested for ramming that gate LOL.
oh only you only you LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ~~ im glad you guys got such an adventure! LMAO!!! good times! kehehehe
Great story bro!
Nice! Sounds like one hell of a night!
haha goo ma would have flipped
LOLSOME! One for the books!
@Cakalusa, RiGHT BACK ATCHA!
YOU.ARE.AWESOME.
Should have went with a girl. Would have been one amazing date. Haha.
You know where there's an even longer line? At the cops house.
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Crazy stuff - at least you didn't spend the night in jail
Hahahaha, oh gosh Chris. How'd your dad react to you getting a lift home with the popo?
Such a great story. Sounds like an adventure I'd like to be a part of!
Haha, this is something that would happen to me. I'm glad you were first in line though =P
LMAO
Wow I really needed a laugh..... LMFAO. This story did just the trick. Just.... Wow. Very entertaining
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Hahahahaha....only you, Chris. Only you. XD
That's pretty freaking awesome, if you ask me.
glad everything worked out alright except your bumper.
wow!! hell of night!!
lololololol. Awesome.
Awesome story. I like the part where you guys tried to run through the gate and couldn't escape. I had a good laugh, but I hope you didn't get into too much trouble with your dad, walking out of a cop car!
sweet story... but your friend's car!!
bahhahahahahahaaa.... Sure is epic!
Add in a few penguins and a cameo with Mike Tyson and you've got a movie there!
I didn't read this post but I'm giving you two eProps for the first picture. Booze menu and boobs. tight.
I saw the bewbies right above the margaritas menu and stopped reading.
I always carry a trusty drill set and set of heavy duty wire cutters for instances like this.
hahaha wow
yo, this is the best blog i've read this year. by far! not a lot of people get to say they've been at the back seat of a police car. you lucky bastard.
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Depends on your court. Sometimes the officer does not need to be there. You go breofe the judge and plead not guilty. the judge then sets up a court date for a trial; the officer then appears for your trial. In some states, traffic court is held on certain days and any officer who issued citations would show up in court on that day.The city I worked in had traffic court every Monday. I usually did not go. If a person entered a not guilty plea, the judge set a court date for the following Monday. I would ge told (summoned) and would appear.
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