May 9, 2011

  • Texts from an Asian Mother #6.
    Asian mother text, Asian son grimace. See the follow previous installments: 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5.

    http://x60.xanga.com/851e033736335276647987/w220421701.jpg
    "Now how do I tell my son to clean his room?"

    Mom on taking her photograph:  thank you... make sure you take the better side of my face la

    Mom: Hey, dress WARM ... It's gonna be cold at night ... December, remember ... ha .. ha ... it even rythms. you'll be vody soddy if you dun listen to Dr. Mom's advice ...
    Me: Okay.
    Mom: You're the only one who's still healthy enough to call 911 for Dada and I if we collapsed

    Mom: my wrist is hurting. you might have to cook dinner tonight
    Me: thats fine
    Mom: my right hand is okay, so if you'll just loan me your left hand that will do
    Me: Ugh. fine fine

    Her on refrigeration: keep your lunch in the fridge 'til later. you dun want it to grow legs.

    My mom is a cougar.
    Sometimes, the hilarity doesn't end with just texts. The following takes place at a bar.

    Bartender/friend: ...so we went to a Korean bar. Lots of hotties. There was a MILF.
    Me: Oh, nice.
    Mom overhears it: What's a murf?
    Bartender: A MILF!
    Mom: What's a murf?
    Bartender and I look at each other hesitant in explaining
    Me: Nothing...nothing...
    Mom: Tell me!
    Bartender mumbles: They're like...a cougar...
    Mom: Oh! A cool girl?
    Me: Yeah. Yeah...
    Mom: I'm a cool girl!

    Me: Gonna go to city.
    Mom:  ~SIGH~

    Mom on Friday night: you go ahead and make plans for yourself ... LoDad and I are all dressed up and no place to go most of the time ...

    Mom on parking:  k .... c u  be careful driving home ... park on the drive way
    Me:  yah
    Me: all the way in
    Me: That's what she (I promptly delete and replace it)  yah...

    Mom on wasting food: it just like throwing out $.
    Me: Uh huh.
    Mom : You're NOOOOOOOO good boy 

    Mom on sandwiches: Do we still have mangynaise at home?
    Me: Yeah.
    Mom : Is that how you spell it?
    Me: Mayonnaise.
    Mom : I got most of the letters

    Mom on stiff necks: It took me 7 days last time when I had a stiff neck. It really was a pain in the neck

    Mom on skipping dinner: ~SIGH~ >=[

    Mom on customer service to her son: DaDa said it'll need an estimated $1,200. to get the Volvo serviced to good driving condition ... so far we spent about $600.  ..... As per your approval from last week ... I transferred $500. from your savings to DaDa's A/C to cover part of the incurred charges ... DaDa will absorb the rest.  Thank you for taking part of this maintenance .... your generous contribution is much appreciated.
    Me: Okay.

    Mom on surgery: I'm getting implants.
    Me: WHAT?
    Mom: For my tooth!
    Me: Ohhh...

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