Month: February 2013

  • Taylor Swift - Trouble (Simpsons Edition)

    The Harlem Shake was SO last week. Taylor Swift dueting with weird stuff is the Internet's latest meme. If you're looking for a new string of ridiculous videos to obsess over, this is it!

    Goat Edition. The one that started it all.

    After laughing and spewing out fried rice through my nostrils, I had to hop onto the bandwagon, totally leaving my friends and family behind (did I remember to turn off my stove?). I edited a version featuring my favorite show, The Simpsons.

    The Simpsons Edition

    Here are some other hilarious ones.

    Nic Cage Edition

    Motion Activated Towel Dispenser Edition

    Rabbit Edition

    Which one is your favorite?

  • 17 First World Food Problems.

    If you've ever had the chance to eat soup dumplings, or xiaolongbaos, you know that they're delicious. Delicious ticking time bombs ready to unleash a volcano in your mouth. I've yet to meet someone who hasn't suffered third degree burns after eating them. But now that I think about it, it's really a first world problem. And there's certainly more than one.

    17. Ughhh Worst Cookie + Milk Situation, Ever

    Food Problems

    Picthx Imgur


    16. Being left with just the butts.

    Food Problems
    Picthx @katieolson9


    15. When pudding lids don’t cooperate.

    Food Problem
    Picthx Imgur


    14. Even Worse: Outta Control Yogurt Lids.

    Food Problem
    Picthx @renatosegatto


    13. And then there’s THIS. UNACCEPTABLE.

    Food Problems

    Picthx @Ldm313


    12. What are we supposed to do, lap up overflowing soda with our tongues? (Yes.)

    Food Problem
    Picthx @ajuniorlove


    11. Why don’t they invent more accommodating fridges? #champagnesadness

    Food Problems
    Picthx @tomdaveytom


    10. FML.

    Food Problem
    Picthx 11000RPM


    9. This is why we can’t have nice things.

    Food Problem
    Picthx Little Panda Bear


    8. And then it gets underneath your fingernails.

    Food Problem
    Picthx @melburnian


    7. This should be illegal.

    Food Problems
    Picthx @skinnylegsss

    6. It’s like staring into a watery pool of hopelessness.

    Food Problems
    Picthx @brynnlarrabee


    5. Next.

    Food Problems
    Picthx @ChaiLatteAddict


    4. We want a refund.

    Food Problem
    Picthx Imgur


    3. Soggy Cereal. Nuff’ Said.

    soggy cereal

    Picthx fortheloveofkale


    2. You’re Ruined, Taco. RUINED.

    Food Problem

    Picthx @HeezyBear


    1. Oh no! Too. Much. Awesome.

    Food Problem
    Picthx @stephelee
    via foodbeast

    What first world food problems grinds your gears and makes you want to flip the table over?

  • An Awkward Photo.

    Our team in New York was asked to provide a new photo to be shown at the next company meeting. We only took one photo. Big mistake.

    And the inevitable faceswap 15 minutes later.

    This is why I can't have nice things.

    Random Funny Photos of the Day

    For poetry, web comics, movie reviews, artwork, and commentary on politics, football, and modern culture by poet Thomas L. Vaultonburg., head on over to
    Poetry, web comics, movie reviews, artwork, and commentary on politics, football, and modern culture by poet Thomas L. Vaultonburg. - See more at:

  • Really Bad Football

    We are The Replacements.

    Just because the NFL season is over doesn't mean football stops! I needed an option to burn off those extra three dozen wings during the Superbowl. So Sunday came, and it was good. Barely pushing past 35F, it was "warm enough" in New York standards.
    You came to the wrong (predominantly White, middle class, and suburban) hood, motherf*cker.
    This is actually an animated gif. in real time. Just leave your PC on until tomorrow and it should shift slightly.
    In terms of ranking where we stand in football: The NFL>Canadian Football League>Arena football>XFL>Lingerie football>The Puppy Bowl>and us.
    We really set the bar low (like Walmart low prices low) with our physical prowess.
    Falling on AstroTurf is as painful as rug burns, but without the sex.

    See below for some video action. The only thing missing was John Facenda's or Pat Summerall's distinct voice to narrate. "Still half a game remained. Team Cakalusa and friends had been guilty before of accepting victory too quickly. Veteran teammates of Chris remembered other games seemingly won, only to be lost. This time, they would not rest until they had thrown off the demon of defeat."

    This is amateur football at its finest. Ladies, please fasten your panties. You're in for a treat.

  • Got the New Google Glass!

    I just bought my first pair of Google Glass from a guy in Chinatown. How's it look?

    Or you could spend $1,500 to get a pair. It's up to you, really.

    EDIT 8:22PM: This actually reminds me, a few years ago, I was working with Xanga on a project. It involved a number of contraptions, gizmos, backpacks with laptops, wireless cards, and a few handjobs.

    It was an interesting contraption. Attached to me head was a microphone and webcam that was connected to a laptop with a wireless card, stuffed inside a bookbag. That would then provide a live feed to my Xanga site. It was way ahead of its time.

    It also got the ladies.

    Ladies loves gadgets.
    Or they could've just ended up being drunk lesbians. Who knows.

  • Poke-A-Hoes 2013.

    Awesome ski trip without the skiing.

    The President's day weekend tends to be the last weekend for most to catch a ride on the slopes before the skiing season ends. Our host, @mkazama was gracious and invited us to her vacation home in the Poconos region. Those unfamiliar, it's in the middle of Pennsylvania, my most hated state. And like all trips to the region, Pennsylvania wouldn't have it any other way, and started the trip with an uphill battle. But with good friends, any time is a memorable time.
    The evening was fairly smooth as we arrived to dinner. Considering it was the only pizza place in town, the sign at front was factual.
    Yes, all for me. Yes, this is why I'm fat.
    The fun begins. Literally around the corner from the entrance of our destination, one car from our caravan slips into (Tokyo Drifts) the side of the road.
    We tried shoveling, pushing, yelling, and everything MacGyver taught us to get out of a ditch.
    Unfortunately, we had to call for a tow truck. 30 minutes later, we were back on the road.
    We arrived!
    It was in the teens. Starting a fire was the first thing to do.
    Fighting is the norm in this group.
    No time to waste, and much to catch up with.
    Poorman's speakers.
    More fighting. This is not new.
    Even the girls got a piece of action.
    Not-so-lucky slippers.
    Lethargy sets in.
    Cutest couple ever!
    Meanwhile, Michelle traps Anuj in for a drink.
    No coaxing will stop her.
    Continue reading

  • I'm The Sluttiest Man Alive!


    Okay, maybe not. But hopefully I brought some drama into some people's lives--including many faces you'll recognize--today on Facebook! Here are a bunch of memorable ones.









    This accurately sums up the reaction of most people that I left a comment on.

    Closing off the night by sharing a bromantical moment with one of YouTube's most subscribed.

    But I wasn't alone. There was plenty left on my wall as well.


    How was your Valentine's Day?

  • My Face Sans Makeup

    A response to @Victoriamisu's post about revealing one's face with and without makeup.

    So here's my face with makeup.

    Here I am without makeup.

    Random Funny Photos of the Day
    Baby steps...
    My kind of fruit salad.
    For all you dateless tomorrow.

  • Harlem Shake version Cakalusa

    It's the latest viral dance craze that's sweeping the nation! Obviously I had to make my version of it and destroy it. Shameless. I know. If anyone wants me, I'll be eating chocolate ice cream out of the container in my bedroom.

    So here's my version of The Harlem Shake. This will be the best 30 seconds--or worst, depending on how you see this--of your life (that's what she said).

  • Selected For Jury Duty.

    That's right. I've been selected. This is probably worse than being selected last in dodge ball, but whatever. I guess it was inevitable, right? So now what? How am I going to pass the time, spending 9 hours in a room full of strangers?
    I will need a pair of these eyeglasses ASAP!

    As you will see, a lot of these activities are less practical than others, but here are 30 ideas I think could help me pass the time.

    1. Read the magazines and newspapers (from 2009) left out on the table.
    2. Make conversation with the coffee machine. “So, is your coffee any good?”
    3. Make conversation with people in the halls. "So, you come here a lot?"
    4. Read books that I brought. Of course, I came prepared with plenty of reading material, right? Right.
    5. Daydream.
    6. Plan my next vacation. How's North Korea this time of year?
    7. People watch. This is New York, after all.
    8. Take pictures of people in the room. Photoshop them with funny mustaches.
    9. Live Tweet my experience.
    10. Stretch. Do some neck rolls. Move my legs around. Maybe get everyone to do yoga with me.
    11. Draw. Maybe on the walls too, if I'm feeling like an anarchist.
    12. Do the crossword puzzle in the newspaper. Realize half are completed.
    13. Read the newspaper itself (I prefer the comics section, but that's just me).
    14. Take a nap or two....or three. I just hope I don't miss my number when it's called.
    15. Text my friends, try to waste their time.
    What I'll end up doing for 9 hours.

    16. Think up excuses for why I can't be on a jury (without lying too much).
    17. Time how long I can hold my breath.
    18. Try writing something with my opposite hand.
    19. Read ingredients and nutritional facts on the packages of food I have.
    20. Strike up a conversation with the nice person sitting next to me, especially if they are attractive. Get coffee thrown at face for using a cheesy pick-up line.
    21. Sketch on every piece of paper available.
    22. Count ceiling tiles, number of windows and doors, etc. (this wastes lots of time).
    23. Reread the Jury Duty pamphlet given to me.
    24. Bring a deck of cards and practice card counting for blackjack. Vegas is coming soon.
    25. Test my ability to count accurately 60 seconds (check with the clock to see if I'm right). Repeat.
    25. Clean out and organize my wallet.
    26. Get everyone in the room to do the Harlem Shake.
    27. Browse Reddit (I hope my battery lasts this long).
    28. Learn sign language.
    29. Take online surveys and hopefully win a free iPod.
    30. Write a blog post on ten things to do while waiting at jury duty.

    I'm prepared. I should be good for Jury Duty. I'll last a good .0031 seconds before I decide to leap out the window and dance in traffic.

    Have you been to jury duty before? How did you pass the time?

  • Ugly Girls of the Internet.

    The subreddit Pretty Girls Ugly Faces is by far one of the best things to happen to the Internet in the past few months…

    And some Xangans who've participated (forcefully):



    Do you have a "Pretty Girl/Boy Ugly Face"? Share yours and I'll post them in my next blog!

  • I'm the Best Coworker Ever!

    Hate work? Loathe your coworkers? Be jealous, for I'm the best coworker you'll ever have. Here's proof.

    What annoys you the most at work?

  • Fat Cat, NYC.
    Warning: there are neither cats nor fat in this establishment.

    We walk down a flight of stairs. The sound of jazz grows louder. The smell of beer, chalk dust, and smoke fills my nose. We are greeted by a bouncer who is half attentive to my age being over 21, and playing on his iPhone. The place is dimly lit, like most dive bars are. I walk past the front which has a number of guests sipping on beers and playing Scrabble. Just beyond that is a bar filled with local craft beer taps--all being priced reasonably low for city standards of about $5-6. A few steps further in is a sea of 20 pool tables, ping pong tables, shuffleboard, tables for Scrabble, Jenga, checkers, chess, and Magic The Gathering players. The further you walk in, the more cavernous you realize this place is. It's loud, packed, and full of energy. But what makes Fat Cat special is the stage, where a new up and coming jazz band plays each night and sets the mood for everyone in this basement dwelling. Everything I thought of a speakeasy would be is in front of me, minus a few flappers.

    This is a ghetto Dave and Busters for adults.
    Hipsters haven.
    It gets crowded very quickly.
    Keeping it official.
    Ping pong is serious business.
    A sea of billiard tables.
    Balls everywhere.
    The stage where live jazz artists play.
    Shuffleboard for the boys.
    PBRs all around.
    I pity the foosball!
    Everyday I'm Scrabbling.


    Check out this awesome new blog. The Hall of Bad Dudes is a rogues' gallery of skullduggery, knavery, and misanthropes. The Hall of Bad Dudes. Are you bad enough?