March 23, 2006

• X for Xanga: The Downfall of a Blogsite.

  So Xanga--particularly John--is
  now in complete flux and the waves of angry users just keep flowing.
  Angry letters/comments, lawyers, death threats, middle fingers, and
  flaming t.p. being tossed; this isn't a pretty site (no pun intended).
  Apparently, numerous users violated the "under 13" policy, and were not notified when Xanga decided to shut said sites down.

  Now, I'm not one to agree with such actions, I believe the first
  amendment is slightly involved here, but when your site contains mostly
  animated icons, undecipherable babble, it's a waste of space, and it's
  something you have to side on with John's actions. Besides, that only
  solidifies one to assume your age doesn't quite meet the requirement.
  Suffice to say, I think this will cause more mayhem to ensue.

  Here are the expected turn of events to follow:

  • March 16, 2006 Xanga shuts down a large number of sites. Many questions were left unanswered. Tons of Xanga users are left baffled.

  • March 18 Xanga officials become bombarded with threatening e-mails demanding their site restoration and answers.
  • March 22 John delivers a "state of the Xanga" address to his readers. Many were unsatisfied with his post and reasoning.
  • March 30
    Plenty of media coverage soon becomes the norm for Xanga as the
    employees and owner, John continue to prevent sites from being restored
    in a timely fashion.

  • April 1 Dan
    aka "thetheologianscafe" announces coming out of the closet. Many
    expected "April Fools" for his follow-up post the next day. No such
    luck. He also announces his retirement due to "mental instability."
    This make it the 26th time he's retired--this year alone. This also had
    nothing to do with the timeline, but thanks for reading. Go Yankees!

  • April 6 More lawyers are involved as a Xanga is accused of violating free speech. History textbook sales skyrocket.
  • April 20
    A band of protestors picket in front of the Xanga building located in
    New York. Cakalusa begins his documentary: "Xanga and the Beast."

  • April 27
    A child is found dead in front of his computer. Authorities report it was due to the sudden lack of social exposure on Xanga during which his site was
    shut down. Parents are in an uproar and file more lawsuits.

  • May 5 Dan, of Xanga's programming team is captured by masked bandits in "Guy Fawkes" masks.
    Many eyewitnesses reported seeing him being quickly whisked away in an
    unmarked vehicle and held for ransom. A video tape shows them tickling
    dan with feathers while he is chained up. "If you want him back, do the right thing. Be a man,"
    an artificially distorted voice says over the video. The extremist team
    only known as "teh sex" request all sites be restored and age limit be
    removed for the safe return of Dan. Demands were never met. Dan was
    never seen again.

  • May 10 Chris Choi
    and a few other Xanga employees fear for their lives and quit Xanga a
    week following the capture. Xanga begins a further downward spiral to
    oblivion as many seek for jobs at rival Myspace and Facebook, but are
    quickly turned down, only being seen as "devils"

  
  Many ex-Xanga employees are seen on the streets of New York during rough times.--New York Times

  • May 13
    Al Sharpton is brought to a special Xanga news conference to help
    alleviate tension between both parties. As a mediator, controversy
    erupted as John, of Xanga is seen in an abandoned building handing over
    a large amount of eProps and bundles of large denominated bills
    (numerical order) to Al Sharpton. John had "no comment." (laff)

  • June 7
    John is later found in drug rehab for overdosing on stress pills and
    sleeping aids. Many visit, including long-time pals, Dan Marino and
    Chuck Norris. Many question if John was doing the right thing. He sure was.

  • June 10 Pfizer Pharmaceuticals contact John for a new commercial idea, and uses his fame as a catapult. Phizer's stock jumps 30% in a month--their largest gain during the 2006 fiscal year.
  • June 12
    The new "Forever Speech" single is recorded in Los Angeles in just 2
    days to help create peace within the blogging community. It debuts at
    #1 on the Billboard Music Charts and stays there for 12 straight weeks.
    Artists that were involved included many top singers such as: Ashlee
    Simpsons, Paris Hilton, Clay "Gay" Aiken, Bobby Brown, Shaquille
    O'Neal, and Eminem (he hit the high notes).

  • June 20
    Unable to continue any longer, John decides to shut down Xanga. Many
    are left in the shadow, and nowhere to go. A vast majority flock to Livejournal for shelter. Others in blogger offer their open arms for the nomadic Xangans. Friendster was too laggy for comment and response.

  • June 25 After close to half a year under heavy media scrutiny, John does the unimaginable; Tom
    of Myspace buys the Xanga domain and property rights of Xanga, taking
    the pressure off John. "It was only a matter of time." Tom says in a
    cunning manner.

  • June 26 Tom
    is seen laughing maniacally whilst rubbing his hands, and spinning
    around his leather seat and orders the Xanga name to be renamed
    Xangay--catering to the gay blogging community. The first registered
    name is thetheologianscafe. None are shocked.

  • 4:01 pm
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