Presenting: My New Yoga Instructor.
Suddenly, downward dogs became a lot more difficult to concentrate to.

Yes, this is her. I don't think I've ever been so happy to be in a class of any sort. Not even that breast massage class in 2009. Well, almost. She came over to me and noted she'll be doing classes in my gym regularly. She mostly does morning (7am) classes--I consider 1pm morning--but you gotta make sacrifices for the greater good, right?

I've been doing yoga for a little over four years now. I enjoy it and after class, feel soreness in areas I never knew. But it wasn't always fun. My first time at yoga in particular.

When I was recommended to start doing yoga:

What I thought my yoga instructor would be like:

What I thought I'd be doing in class:

When I see a steady stream of women coming into class with yoga pants:

What was on my mind during class:

When I try to see what the instructor is doing and somebody's butt is in the way:

When I start falling all over the place and someone to my left notices:

When my yoga instructor compliments me on my poses:

When someone starts offering tips...TO THE INSTRUCTOR:

When a cute girl complimented my yoga mat (It's blue, bishes!):

When the instructor demonstrated the downward dog to me for the first time:

How my friends reacted when I told them I do yoga:

How I felt walking out of class:

When I finally arrived home:

Super Sexy Talk on Facebook.
Not really.

I've a way with words, most of the time these words get me (and my friends) in trouble. Sometimes they become pun-filled back and forth banter with friends. Puns and double entendres are always welcomed with open arms on the internet. And if you know me, I love puns like Pedobear loves kids at the Neverland Ranch. My friend posted this image on her Facebook and the conversation started:

Here's 11 Corgified People and Things of That Nature.

Really short legs look so good on corgis that I decided to shorten some other legs to see what they look like…

And just to remind you how awesome the originals are:

Via Pleated Jeans

THE NFL IS CUHRAZZYYYY!

Lol, BREAKING NEWS... THE REPLACEMENT REFS AREN'T QUALIFIED FOR THE PREVIOUS NFL REFEREES WHO WERE PAID $100K+ A YEAR TO DO THEIR JOB! WHO KNEW, AMIRITE! AND SORRY FOR BLOWING OUT YOUR EARBALLS WITH ALL CAPITAL LETTERS! SERIOUSLY, WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS?! I AM JUST TYPING STUFF WITH CAP LOCK ON, AND YOU CAN'T HELP BUT TO READ EVERY AGONIZINGLY LOUD WORD! YOU ARE PROBABLY SHOUTING EVERY WORD IN YOUR HEAD RIGHT NOW!!!!!1!!!!!1!!11

Usually what happens when someone farts in a crowded room.

Every other Jets play.

The new Madden is Mario Kart.

Replacement refs, clearly as blind as a female Asian driver on a highway.

STOP GANGNAM STYLE!

Okay, I'm done and over it. This Macarena 2.0 has to stop. The first time I heard it on the radio here in NY, I knew it was over.

The Many Face of Alcohol.

It's known that the consumption of alcohol can affect one's mood, motor skills, and health. But did you know it can greatly affect your face? This isn't Korean plastic surgery. Once the alcohol touches the lips...game over. I go from Asian Dad's favorite grade A student to Lindsay Lohan without an ankle moniter.

Here I am at 8:31 PM with zero alcoholic beverages consumed.

Here I am at 11:41 PM after 11 alcoholic beverages consumed, including a nasty Long Island Iced Tea.

Want to see a magic trick?

I am drama.

Oh snap! I see yo mama's vagina from across the Hudson river!

The nips are usually the tastiest part.

CLEARLY NOT INTERESTED IN @mkazama's ADVANCES!

Now kiss!

Continue reading →

Can You Make It Through This Post Without Having Your Mind Blown?

Are you sitting down? You better be sitting down.

1. Let's start small:

2. Here's something that you never realized:

3. While we're at it, here's some more famous voice actors:

4. Here's the right way to eat a cupcake:

Via: thehungryandfoolish.com

5. And cheetos:

6. Now get ready to have your childhood mind blown:

7.

8.

Moving on...

9. DID YOU KNOW? The "YKK" on your zipper stands for "Yoshida Kogyo Kabushikigaisha:"

Via: en.wikipedia.org

10. DID YOU KNOW? 3.14 is PIE backwards:

Via: nikoguy1

11. DID YOU KNOW? The dot over over an "i" is called a "tittle:"

12. DID YOU KNOW? Cashews grow like this:

Via: carlygoogles.blogspot.com

13. And pineapples like this:

Via: upload.wikimedia.org
Continue reading →

Apple iPhone 101. The best iPhone yet.

If you thought having an extra row of icons on the iPhone 5 was impressive. Wait for what we have in store for you. Get your credit cards ready. You're in for a real treat iSheep...err, Apple fans!

Do you plan on purchasing the new iPhone 5? If so, let me know so I can unfriend you.

Never Forget.

Has it already been close to 11 years since 9/11? The iPod debuted 11 years ago. Just to remind us all how much older we are, facts from the year 2001.

World Series Champions:	Arizona Diamondbacks
Superbowl XXXV Champions:	Baltimore Ravens
NBA Champions:	Los Angeles Lakers
Stanley Cup Champs:	Colorado Avalanche
U.S. Open Golf	Retief Goosen
U.S. Tennis: (Men/Ladies)	Lleyton Hewitt/Venus Williams
Wimbledon (Men/Women):	Goran Ivanisevic/Venus Williams
NCAA Football Champions:	Miami
NCAA Basketball Champions:	Duke
Kentucky Derby:	Monarchos
Sports Highlights:
The Hotties and Fashion Icons:	Gisele Bündchen
The Heartthrob(s):
"The Quote"
Time Magazine's Person of the Year	Rudolph Giuliani
Miss America:	Angela Perez BaBaraquio (Honolulu, HI)
Miss USA:	Kandace Krueger (Texas)
War On Terror:	Number of Deaths on the 9/11 attack: American Airlines Flight 11 (hit the North Tower, NYC) -87 passengers and crew, 5 hijackers United Airlines Flight 175 (hit the South Tower, NYC) -60 passengers and crew, 5 hijackers Total World Trade Center - 2,606 people 1366+ in North Tower 618+ in South Tower 18 was the guesstimate pedestrians killed on the street below 411 emergency workers were killed: 341 firefighters, 60 police officers, 10 paramedics & EMTs United Airlines Flight 90 (Crashed near Shanksville, PA) -40 passengers and crew, 4 hijackers American Airlines Flight 77 (hit the Pentagon) -59 passengers and crew, 5 hijackers The Pentagon -125 employees Clear Channel banned many rock and pop songs after the attack.
The Scandals: Angelina Jolie gave a passionate open-mouth kiss to her brother, James, which made many people almost forget Bjork's goose dress. Enron's accounting scandal cost investors something close to $60 Billion, and their accounting firm, Arthur Anderson, went out of business Gary Condit, a Democrat California congressman, had an affair with his intern, Chandra Levy, which was alleged may have also led to her murder. It didn't - Ingmar Guandique, a Salvadoran immigrant had killed her. Fake picture from camera supposedly found in World Trade Center debris. Nascar Driver Death: Dale Earnhart Airplane Celebrity Death: Aaliyah Splitsville: Julia Roberts and Benjaman Bratt Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise Enron, due to financial misdeeds Arthur Anderson Accounting, due to covering up Enron's financial misdeeds Renee Zellweger was in the bathroom when Hugh Grant called her up for her Golden Globe Award. Millions watched Britney Spears dance with a python at the MTV's Music Video Awards
Nerd News:	Barry Bonds hit 73 Home Runs*. * steroid use was allegedly involved Cost of a Superbowl ad in 2001: $2,100,000
The Habits:	iPod was released October, 2001. The X-Box came out in November, 2001. ...Everybody else was watching SpongeBob Squarepants
1st appearances & 2001's Most Popular Christmas gifts, toys and presents:	iPod, Harry Potter, K'NEX BattleTech/MechWarrior, Bob the Builder toys
The Bomb (Film):	Glitter starring Mariah Carey
Best Film Oscar Winner:	A Beautiful Mind
The Big Movies:	1. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone 2. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring 3. Shrek 4. Monster's Inc 5. Rush Hour 2 6. The Mummy Returns 7. Pearl Harbor 8. Ocean's Eleven 9. Jurassic Park III 10. Planet of the Apes
2001 Most Popular TV shows:	1. Friends (NBC) 2. CSI (CBS) 3. ER (NBC) 4. Survivor: Marquesas (CBS) 5. Survivor: Africa (CBS) 6. Everybody Loves Raymond (CBS) 7. Law & Order (NBC) 8. Will & Grace (NBC) 9. The West Wing (NBC) 10. Monday Night Football (ABC)
2001 Billboard Number One Songs	November 18, 2000 - February 2, 2001: Independent Women - Destiny's Child February 3 - February 16: It Wasn't Me - Shaggy featuring Ricardo "RikRok" Ducent February 17 - February 23: Ms. Jackson - OutKast February 24 - March 23: Stutter - Joe March 24 - April 6: Butterfly - Crazy Town April 7 - April 13: Angel - Shaggy featuring Rayvon April 14 - July 1: All For You - Janet Jackson June 2 - July 6: Lady Marmalade - Christina Aguilera / Lil' Kim / Mya / Pink July 7 - August 3: U Remind Me - Usher August 4 - August 17: Bootylicious - Destiny's Child August 18 - September 28: Fallin' - Alicia Keys September 29 - November 2: I'm Real - Jennifer Lopez featuring Ja Rule November 3 - December 14: Family Affair - Mary J. Blige December 15, 2001 - January 25, 2002: U Got It Bad - Usher

My Mother Is Out of Control!

But not as out of control as a drunk white girl trying to Gangnam style dance next to you.

It's bad enough when your mom shares stories to her friends about your childhood that still haunt you to this day. But today, she went over the top. She's been posting embarrassing baby photos of me (and my brothers) on Facebook for all my friends to see.

But since the cats out of the bag and there's little to no available self worth after these postings, I may as well share them with you.

Double ugh!

Family photo of my brothers and I. They too were not safe from the onslaught of childhood photo bombings from our mother. Check out those knee high socks!

Embarrassment level: Over 9000.

New Music Friday.

Here's some fresh tracks to kick off your weekend. A few songs that go well with your happy hours. I want to make this a regular feature here on this site.

I enjoy hearing new tracks and adding them to my library. Here's your chance to show off your eclectic taste in music! What song(s) have you been listening on repeat?

The Annoying Coworker Strikes Others.

*We hear the Annoying Coworker from across the office*

Coworker #1: So annoying!
Coworker #2:  Oh my god, bro. It's nuts.
Me: Can you hear it?
Coworker #2: What is wrong with her? Mad loud. I hear it all the time. At least like ten times a day
Me:  fml.
Coworker #2: She does that loud ass annoying laugh.  WTF kinda laugh is that? It sounds like she choking

Driving With Mom.

As a licensed driver and having your mother in the passenger seat, there's nothing more annoying than this. We've all been there. The constant nagging, the "this is my last day on earth" mentality whenever she sits in the car with me, the constant reminder to stay 50 mph below the speed limit. If my mother and I were in a rally car race, and she was my navigator, this is how it'd go.

Mother: Turn by that tree stump thingy.
Me: There are a million stumps out here! Turn which way? Where?
Mother: Chris, why are you driving so fast?
Me: Did you not realize this is a race?
Mother: Look out for the puddle.
Me: It's just a puddle, don't worry.
Mother: Do you really need to be going this fast? You're going to hydroplane!
Me: UGH! Just tell me where, not how to drive!
Mother: Pull over, let me drive.
Me: No! We're in the middle of a race!
Mother: Pull this car over now!
Me: NO! UGHHHHHHH!
Mother: Don't listen to the GPS, I know a better way, I drive here every day.
Me: You drive on a dirt road through the woods on your way to work?
Mother: I packed some sandwiches for our little trip, do you want PB&J or tuna?
Me: *Sighs in defeat* Salami.

Tell me I'm not the only one who hates every minute of their car ride with their mom sitting as a passenger.

XANGA DRAMA
AWWWW YEAH!

This is like high school all over again. The cliques, popular kids, outcasts, wedgies, boring History classes, and above all else, the drama.

"F*ck yo laundry!"

If you've been lurking around Xanga enough, you're quite aware of the tense situation surrounding a few individuals. The most interesting part? I'm in the middle of it all, but watching cautiously from the sideline.

I feel like a deciding Emperor watch a gladiator armed with futuristic weaponry fight a Liger that shoots lasers out of their paws.

At first, I was like

These are two friends I hang out with regularly. Why are they fighting?

I tried to keep things civil and help them work things out, but...

...to no avail.

And the more I tried to help, the worse the situation became.

And the more I thought about our great times together,

I suddenly realize this is going to be the end of a group of friends.

But then I thought, "Damn, this drama is gon' be good! Continue!"

So as each post was publicized, and every hate-filled, passive-aggressive commentary was made, I guiltily waited for more.

Every time a new post was made

And every burn or diss thrown at each other

I remain on the sideline watching.